Working for myself

If my siblings could see me now they would laugh. I have pretty much cruised my entire working career and always been very lucky in that I work very smart and not generally hard. I have always put systems in place that allow me to work smart and therefore get a lot done in half the time. But at the moment as I work on my fledgling business  I’m working my GAT OFF!!!

This is what our evenings look like and at the moment I am working till past midnight with Daddy abs who is working equally as hard.

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Mine is for various reasons. Firstly taking Daniel out of aftercare has been good for him and he is far happier. The result however is that I only get to work from 8:30 when nanny arrives for The Kat until 12:30 when I have to fetch the Ginger. I then have about an hour before I really get to settle down to work and then I am interrupted about 30 times by said Ginger for various reasons. So really only get 4 hours done during the day, which is not enough and doesn’t allow me any time to grow my business at all…it’s a wonder I am even successful with amount of hours I get in.

This is further exacerbated by the several meetings I have had in the past two months with my new clients as I hold their hands through the process. I am BIG on relationship and really feel that it is key in the beginning to really build a solid foundation with your clients. So I am therefore bleeding in hours and billing only half of what I am actually doing.

The difference is I see value in what I’m doing and I am just totally in love with what I’m doing. I am starting to see results with most of my clients and that is just so rewarding. And off course there are the perks of being able to work outside and in my PJ’s.

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And as I often say at the moment I could have far worse problems! I have been so abundantly blessed with the growth of my business and it just continues to go from strength to strength. It is challenging though. There is not a day that goes by that I’m not petrified of what the future holds or that I might lose a client. (And it’s going to happen I do know that) I think financially I just pray that come March/April next year I can be matching my salary so that we can just be stable for a little while. It’s been a huge worry not having a set salary every month.

But then I’m brought back to the fact that God has totally provided and has my back and that I needn’t worry.

So I just keep trucking and remaining faithful that I have a good brand, a good product and that I will make it and I also keep looking at the positives of which there are many. Like having this person visit me occasionally at the office 🙂

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Working mom meltdown

I haven’t had any baby blues. I’ve been lucky I guess. I have however been plagued by many tears at having to go back to work. With the ginger I managed to stave off the tears till only the week before but this time I have been in tears already.
The thought fills me with complete dread and I so wish I had the alternative to be able to work half day.

Knowing I have to go back to work with Kiki only 3.5mths old prompted a serious look at whether she’ll go to crèche like her brother or stay at home with a nanny. This however resulted in some serious torment and having to undo all my thinking as I had made my peace with crèche when we had the ginger and I had to undo this….our circumstances have however changed and I do think this is the best choice for us now.

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But my heart hurts so much. It hurts everytime Iook at this face and when my little boy grabs onto me and tells me he missed me.

Being on maternity leave has given me the opportunity to watch Daniel in his first swimming lessons and pick him up a little earlier from school and my heart broke when he asked me to come and watch him next week at his swimming lesson as if it’ll always be this way. It also broke me on Friday. Daniel had had a late night and was ailing with a cold in the morning so I told the teacher I would fetch him at straight after school and he wouldn’t go to aftercare. So when I fetched him his face lit up and he said: you taking me home? I don’t have to go to aftercare? Oh mommy thank you, I missed you so much!!

In 7 weeks my babies will be someone else’s ‘problem’ and that hurts and sucks in SO many ways. And I wish it was different and I so wish right now i’d won the lotto so things could be different. So please excuse me while I have a little meltdown!!!