Smorgasbord of thoughts

This is going to be a real smorgasbord of thoughts and info but I’ve had a lot on my mind……

We buried Madiba on Sunday. A big part of our history. Daddy Abs has saved the newspapers to put in Daniel’s memory box even though he’ll never really grasp the impact he made in this country….and I actually want to put a copy in ours too. As his casket was lowered I sobbed as though it was my father that has passed. And I questioned myself why? Not that I wasn’t allowed the privilege of mourning as so many South African’s have, but for goodness sake we didn’t grow up in Apartheid. My best friend at school in Std2 (Age 7) was a black girl. I can’t even begin to pretend Apartheid affected me. But I cried nevertheless…..What struck me most (and at the funeral I attended on Thursday) was the association factor. I cried very big sad tears for Graca Michel. What a strong courageous women that endured 10 days of mourning and watched as a country mourned our Tata, but at the end of the day ,she’s just a Wife who has lost her hubby……a wife who said “Till death do us part” and now she’s alone, her home will be missing a big part and consequently her heart…… I connected with that and I really hurt for her….I do think also that I mourned those that have passed. I miss my dear Rozzie, I mourn for my brother, my Darling Soppies, who I miss do very much…..and I miss them, each in very different ways but miss them all the same. Think it’s the time of year too.

I think with this time of year, coupled with being so blimming exhausted and burning the candle at both end, I’m a little emotional….actually NO I’m very emotional!!! I’m also not very pretty when I don’t have sleep (ask my hubby he’ll tell you how horrid I am) In amongst this emotional turmoil is the fact that my little boy is growing up so fast! He just keeps growing and when I opened the box of Christmas tree decorations that he personally made at school I was finished!! Where has my little guy gone??Maybe it’s because we’re thinking of no 2 quite seriously and I’m so aware of the time I have left with him before my love will be divided amongst two.

Thinking about no 2 has also put a little pressure on me with some success I might add. I’m talking with regards to my weight. Those that know me personally know I’m not a fat girl but for 2 years since the ginger graced us I have BATTLED to lose the last 4/5kgs. Now with the thoughts of no 2 looming I’m panicked that I won’t be at my goal before I fall pregnant. And it’s really simple. I really don’t want to carry another baby and hit 70kgs again. I have a small frame and no space between my boobs and my pubic bone so there is nowhere for a baby to go by OUT and out I did and as a result carried 12kgs forwards and as a consequence took major strain on my back and I really don’t want to relive that. So I have been super good but Christmas is coming so I need a few kgs in the bag. I’m proud to say I have lost 3 kgs in the last few weeks and am now officially thinner that I was before I fell pregnant with the Ginger…..let’s hope I can keep it off!!

This weekend we put Daniel in his new bed. There was much excitement and relatively speaking it has been a really positive experience EXCEPT for the 4am waking’s! We’re not sure what it is but Daniel has been waking at 4am and doesn’t go back to sleep. This coupled with late nights has not been a pretty combination for me (refer to point above ) That pretty much snowballed in Spar on Saturday when I join the not so amazing terrible 2’s Child-losing-his–shit-in-a –public-space group. Daniel is a frikking nightmare. In fact they don’t make a word to describe the living hell we are going through with him!!! So much so that I was THRILLED to be at work yesterday and only too happy to drop him off at school….and I hate that. I hate that I hate my son as I’ve always loved my time with him. But wowee Payback is such a b!tch as I now have a mini (more intense, if that’s even possible) version of myself roaming this world!!! It’s not pretty. But as the saying goes….this too shall pass…..i hope its soon.

I had a funny sad moment over the weekend too as I watched the Vaalies (out of towners) descend on our little town. Whilst part of me is irritated at the invasion as well as the 200% increase in prices, part of me was quite sad (for a VERY brief moment) that we live here now……We don’t get to have the excitement of packing bags and going on holiday and coming down to the sea for 3 weeks…..silly I know…Like I said it was a fleeting moment. 🙂

This is the last week of mayhem for me. And hopefully my son will not keep on saying “mommy go church” when I pick up my keys after Friday. I have practically lived at the church the past two weeks in preparation for the Carol Service on Friday. I’m a little nervous as I will be doing all the intro’s for 350 people as well as singing a solo for “O holy night”! I do think it’s going to be an incredible evening and praying that is doesn’t rain.

Then hopefully things will settle down as I have one more week of work before some down time with the family.
Hope your silly season is not too silly and that you are all able to take some time off…..

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What would you do with your beans?

I saw this on Jenty’s facebook feed today and I really wanted to share it with you. It really hit home (i.e I shed a few tears 🙂 ) I know I’m soft, we know this already!!

But it really just prompted my thoughts and feelings and the goings on for the past week.

I have a few things I’ve been wanting to say, so this may be a little bit of a garbled post, but stick with me, I’m hoping it‘ll all tie up when I’m done.

So what do you do with your remaining beans?

I know for sure that I spend WAY WAY WAY too much time worrying to the point that I worry that one day I’ll make myself sick with the worrying I do. So I resolve daily (because I fail daily) to spend more time enjoying life and less worrying.

Part of that enjoyment has been the time I’ve been spending with Daniel lately. Being a working mom I have very little time with my ginger during the week. But lately I have been spending a lot of time with him on the couch snuggling. Random I know but amazing!! For some reason he has been asking me to “la la” with him on the couch and I HAVE and you know what EVERY time I have , it has totally trumped the task I have had to leave , the dishes that have needed to wash or the supper I’ve needed to make (fancy that!!)

On Saturday we lay on the couch for an hour. I snuggled into him more that he into me and closed my eyes while we he watched cartoons.
He held my hand and few times even patted me, like I pat his back sometimes….. I reckon that was a bloody marvelous way to spend those “beans” 🙂

This morning we brushed teeth and sang the Barney brushing teeth song (You know, come sing with me: Oh, I’m brushing my teeth on the bottom ‘Cause I wouldn’t wanna say that I forgot em’ …..) and I relished in the fact that I got to dance and sing while I brushed my teeth. I think it was a great way to spend my brushing- teeth- beans (when was the last time you danced whilst brushing your teeth?)

So yip I’m resolving to spend my beans way better than I have been. You’re probably  wondering why I’m all floaty and smiley and shiny happy people on you guys …..maybe because the Ginger is also sleeping through…yes people you heard me correctly……. For about a week now……and I’m not sure if I should be posting this, I’m hesitant because I’m SOOOOOO scared I’m going to jinx it!

But yes, SHOUT IF FROM THE ROOFTOPS, WE HAVE SLEEP IN THE ABDO HOUSEHOLD!!

And you know what? I’ve forgotten what a flipping nice person I am when I’ve had sleep. I’m mean I’m really really nice 

While I’m on the things that hit you hard bandwagon….I thought I’d just end off with a few randoms I’ve picked up of FB, Twitter etc the past few weeks. Haven’t done one of these for a while.
** none of the pics are mine **

So here goes… my motto going forward

I think my ginger and Daddy Abs are a good place to start…

A lesson for me in the worrying department. Its not what others think of you but what you think of yourself.

AND SOME HUMOUR TO END OFF WITH!

Hysterical for me…..Because I came “blame it on the bunny” but i just don’t run enough anymore …..

      

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Five Minute Friday – Ordinary

I’ve watched from the side lines for long enough kinda stalking other people’s 5 minute Friday and always gone: “ I could NEVER do that”
Well today I did and it was super cool 🙂

I first saw it on Lisa Jo’s blog about a year ago and today saw it on a new blog I’ve started following: Student Mom and decided it was time.

The rules are simple:
1. Write for 5 minutes based on the topic/word – no editing, no over thinking (should be a challenge for me), no backtracking (equally as hard)
2. Link back here to your source and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. – which is NB because I for one that I haven’t done this ever because I think to myself why on earth would someone want to read my garbled mumbo jumbo!!

Ok so here goes:

Ordinary

Ordinary….my life is anything but and I like it that way

The drama queen of the family they call me…better than the black sheep I guess 🙂

It’s what keeps me alive having the excitement of life, anticipating the next twist in the road…..
When I go one day I hope no one will call me such, what a boring word!

I want to be remembered as
Fun to be around
A great mom who absolutely loved her Ginger
Who loved her husband fiercely and her family just as much
Someone who could sing and had the voice of an angel
But definitely not ordinary!

That being said its sometimes nice for a little mediocrity ….to just sometimes BE without pressures of being the one to hold it together. Striving to be more than ordinary can be tiring somewhat. But we can’t always be fabulous and sometimes it’s nice to be a little ordinary. How’s that for contradicting yourself in 5 minutes!!

Always look on the bright side of life…..

WARNING: This post is filled with dark sarcasm and woe is me language.

I’m feeling flat today….

I’m at the so close but yet so far stage with this move. Its only 19 days left and then we’re outta here and moving to Durban, our dream, what we chose to do. I should be happy right?!?! But I’m seriously taking strain and just wanna have a good cry about it all!

I’ve waxed lyrical about how this is God’s hands and how everything has fallen into place.

But today this just sucks and feeling really grotty and if another person tells me to “lift my chin up”,” look on the bright side” “it’s not long now” and “don’t worry you’ll find a job” I’m literally GOING TO PUNCH THEM!!!!

We don’t have a rental. On the 31st Of May we have NO place to put our stuff. There just seems to be a shortage all of a sudden in Ballito and my poor mother has been on the phone to thousands of rental agent (who are all bloody useless btw) with nothing, NADA! – Look on the bright side we can move in with my parents and put our stuff in storage!!

I don’t have a job yet – I potentially have an offer and even though I don’t feel the role is right for me. What would you do? Wouldn’t you take it, in a market that is slow , it is a recession after all. – Hey, Look on the bright side at least it’s a job! (Yay me now I can move into yet another job I absolutely hate, how much fun would that be). Or do sit tight and place all my faith in God as I have said I’m doing and trust that he will provide, all in the face of the fact that come July we HAVE NO MONEY and will not be able to pay bills. – Look on the bright side, we can sell our land and live in a rental and use all our savings.

A friend of ours has her little girl in hospital on oxygen and is sedated. They have been fighting a viral infection for a week and its been touch and go. My ginger is healthy (apart from a nasty chest cold) but he’s fine , I’m grateful for that.

My sister in law is about to lose her dad to the big horrible nasty C – I have my dad and he’s healthy and soon I’m going to be living (hopefully) in the same estate as him. – I’m a lucky girl.

I get to see my husband this weekend – yay no more single parenting – well at least until Monday.

So yah, I’m feeling down and I know I should be grateful because I have SOOOOOOOOOO much to be thankful for. But I’m just gonna take a few moments to have a woe is me moment and maybe a little cry (later) and then I’ll get back on with it.