Today marked a year since our lives changed forever…and it sends chills down my spine as I remember driving down to the hospital 13 weeks pregnant with the Kat and praying ‘lord please let him live, please let him live’
And God answered that prayer…..
We aren’t the same though and our family dynamic is not what it used to be. A family member having a stroke will do that to you. Our get togethers aren’t as loud with the presence of my larger than life dad telling stories, with his face alight and his hearty laughs…. Instead he’s now the one who sits and observes, mute.
He’s slowing down tremendously and who knows how long he’ll be with us. My older brother left today to go back home to Toronto. Very hard for him, knowing that more than likely he won’t see his dad alive again….. Emigration hurts no matter reasons you do it for!
And I lie in bed awake….A lot…mostly after the 3am feed where I’ve had a few hours, just enough to recharge me. And I think of how I’ll tell my son about heaven and where his ‘bugga’ has gone to. And I think of his funeral and how we will portray what an amazing man he was. Because let’s face it any funeral you go to people will tell what an amazing person the deceased was but people that have met and have known my dad just don’t know how blessed they were because he was…. Is such an incredible person.
I don’t think we’ll ever know Gods reason or timing for this but we have learnt over the last year:
- To treasure the little things and small victories
- To LOVE and I mean with all your heart the ones close to you
- That the human spirit will ALWAYS hope even in the face of adversity
But we will never be the same and shoeh there are some days that I so wish it hadn’t ended this way as I had so much I still wanted to do with my dad…. I just treasure that I still get the chance everyday to say what I need to say and whisper ‘ I love you’ and THAT I take as a gift….. I’m given the chance everyday to treasure the time I have left with him.