Parenting battle

So we were invited to a braai on Friday with some mates that we hadn’t seen for a while. It was stunning evening and we got to really catch up. We didn’t leave late in adult terms (9pm) the only thing was it was late for the Ginger.

He’s two and half and only recently (like last month) started sleeping through and not in his short little life span has he ever gone to bed that late!  He was absolutely fine though. There were a few tears in the car on the way home, due to some extenuating circumstance but other than that he was a gem!

Problem was the night that followed. He woke in excess of 5 times and still rose at his usual 5:30am. I had such a lovely morning planned with him and the two of us were going to watch Rio2 together while dad had some downtime. Well the movie was a complete stuff up! We ended up leaving before the end and after 3 boxes of popcorn purchased one of which was turfed the morning was ruined!

I was so disappointed because the ginger loves movies and Rio1 was his favourite….but he was just a nightmare and unplayable…. so him going to bed 1.5hrs after his normal bedtime just had such far reaching consequences.

But then I question myself. Are we too rigid in our routine? There was no way he was going to go down there because the host’s two kids were running around so FOMO would never have allowed him to close his eyes.

I suppose why I’m questioning myself is because I’m seeing more and more recently we are turning down things because of a routine or allowing things to happen where ultimately we pay the price later. And its not FOMO (Fear of missing out )  its just ironic that I question that we’re the problem here. The problem is the whole family suffers the consequences when the ginger doesn’t sleep or eats copious amounts of sugar!!

I’m very proud to say that my ginger is an absolute pleasure to be around, is well mannered and a really sweet child. But I’m also a firm believer that he thrives on having boundaries and a good routine.

The whole chocolate and sweet fruit juices falls into this category. Daniel was absolutely rotten over Easter and with all the public holidays and no routine……I saw how the sugar rush affected him and also how revolting he was and the tantrums he started throwing. Again though its hard because if we go out with friends to a restaurant and their kid is drinking juice, how do you whip out a water bottle and say to your kid “no” because your belief  is that it is supposed to be for special occasions?

Just trying find my happy medium between what I believe is right and good for my kid vs going with the flow. I’m sure this is the tip of the iceberg and I’ve got many more journeys along this road to take…..

Stormy weeks…the rollecoaster ride called parenthood

It’s funny when you’re in the storm it always SO kak and you can’t see the wood for the trees, and then you look back and wonder what all the commotion was about? My sister liked to call them stormy weeks….

It was like that for me last week when things reached a head with Daniel his eating patterns. Slowly but surely since we moved Daniel has turned form the most amazing eater to a shocking one. I let it slide initially because I felt so horrid from the move and then we took a little time to find our mojo. Then it was the sleep or lack therof that we dealt with and then it was the end of the year, coupled with the onset of strong terrible two’s …..so it was really just easier to feed him from the list of stuff he would eat. But then I looked back and all of a sudden my son’s menu consisted of ABSOLUTELY no veggies and I’m sorry, but man cannot live on Scrambled egg alone…….

So last week saw us having yet another duel in the battle of the wills.

Night one went something like this:
‘Mommy I want a bottie’
‘My baby you have to eat num num’s before you can have a bottie, you know the rule’
Child proceeds to eat half a round of cucumber
Child goes to bed without a tears, tantrums or shouting…. but NO food in his tummy.
Mom closes child’s bedroom door and bursts into tears because she feels like the worst mother in the world.

I’m pleased however to inform that all is well and since then we are back to nutritious meals and have even added a few newbies to the menu.

I think Daniel knows that he can push only so far but man alive this motherhood thing is hard. That week came with so much self-doubt and indecision. I often say this to a new parent: ‘welcome to the wonder roller coaster ride called parenthood’ cos that sure as hell is what it is.

Smorgasbord of thoughts

This is going to be a real smorgasbord of thoughts and info but I’ve had a lot on my mind……

Mandela

We buried Madiba on Sunday. A big part of our history. Daddy Abs has saved the newspapers to put in Daniel’s memory box even though he’ll never really grasp the impact he made in this country….and I actually want to put a copy in ours too. As his casket was lowered I sobbed as though it was my father that has passed. And I questioned myself why? Not that I wasn’t allowed the privilege of mourning as so many South African’s have, but for goodness sake we didn’t grow up in Apartheid. My best friend at school in Std2 (Age 7) was a black girl. I can’t even begin to pretend Apartheid affected me. But I cried nevertheless…..What struck me most (and at the funeral I attended on Thursday) was the association factor. I cried very big sad tears for Graca Michel. What a strong courageous women that endured 10 days of mourning and watched as a country mourned our Tata, but at the end of the day ,she’s just a Wife who has lost her hubby……a wife who said “Till death do us part” and now she’s alone, her home will be missing a big part and consequently her heart…… I connected with that and I really hurt for her….I do think also that I mourned those that have passed. I miss my dear Rozzie, I mourn for my brother, my Darling Soppies, who I miss do very much…..and I miss them, each in very different ways but miss them all the same. Think it’s the time of year too.

I think with this time of year, coupled with being so blimming exhausted and burning the candle at both end, I’m a little emotional….actually NO I’m very emotional!!! I’m also not very pretty when I don’t have sleep (ask my hubby he’ll tell you how horrid I am) In amongst this emotional turmoil is the fact that my little boy is growing up so fast! He just keeps growing and when I opened the box of Christmas tree decorations that he personally made at school I was finished!! Where has my little guy gone??Maybe it’s because we’re thinking of no 2 quite seriously and I’m so aware of the time I have left with him before my love will be divided amongst two.

Thinking about no 2 has also put a little pressure on me with some success I might add. I’m talking with regards to my weight. Those that know me personally know I’m not a fat girl but for 2 years since the ginger graced us I have BATTLED to lose the last 4/5kgs. Now with the thoughts of no 2 looming I’m panicked that I won’t be at my goal before I fall pregnant. And it’s really simple. I really don’t want to carry another baby and hit 70kgs again. I have a small frame and no space between my boobs and my pubic bone so there is nowhere for a baby to go by OUT and out I did and as a result carried 12kgs forwards and as a consequence took major strain on my back and I really don’t want to relive that. So I have been super good but Christmas is coming so I need a few kgs in the bag. I’m proud to say I have lost 3 kgs in the last few weeks and am now officially thinner that I was before I fell pregnant with the Ginger…..let’s hope I can keep it off!!

IMG_9465

This weekend we put Daniel in his new bed. There was much excitement and relatively speaking it has been a really positive experience EXCEPT for the 4am waking’s! We’re not sure what it is but Daniel has been waking at 4am and doesn’t go back to sleep. This coupled with late nights has not been a pretty combination for me (refer to point above ) That pretty much snowballed in Spar on Saturday when I join the not so amazing terrible 2’s Child-losing-his–shit-in-a –public-space group. Daniel is a frikking nightmare. In fact they don’t make a word to describe the living hell we are going through with him!!! So much so that I was THRILLED to be at work yesterday and only too happy to drop him off at school….and I hate that. I hate that I hate my son as I’ve always loved my time with him. But wowee Payback is such a b!tch as I now have a mini (more intense, if that’s even possible) version of myself roaming this world!!! It’s not pretty. But as the saying goes….this too shall pass…..i hope its soon.

I had a funny sad moment over the weekend too as I watched the Vaalies (out of towners) descend on our little town. Whilst part of me is irritated at the invasion as well as the 200% increase in prices, part of me was quite sad (for a VERY brief moment) that we live here now……We don’t get to have the excitement of packing bags and going on holiday and coming down to the sea for 3 weeks…..silly I know…Like I said it was a fleeting moment. 🙂

Carols

This is the last week of mayhem for me. And hopefully my son will not keep on saying “mommy go church” when I pick up my keys after Friday. I have practically lived at the church the past two weeks in preparation for the Carol Service on Friday. I’m a little nervous as I will be doing all the intro’s for 350 people as well as singing a solo for “O holy night”! I do think it’s going to be an incredible evening and praying that is doesn’t rain.

Then hopefully things will settle down as I have one more week of work before some down time with the family.
Hope your silly season is not too silly and that you are all able to take some time off…..

Even in the ‘real’ times I’m blessed

Today has been a very heartbreaking but beautiful day… This will mostly be jumbled as most of my posts are following a few weeks break, as I have been secretly writing but just in my head and not on the blog due to lack of time or motivation so I have lots to say….

So here goes…

Melinda posted a few weeks ago about how people don’t seem to be real anymore and shouted out to the www is she the only mom/person that finds this whole motherhood thing bloody hard?!? Then there was Sharon
who challenged us to be real and post pics of real life. I’m sorry I missed out on taking part but diarising it for next year 1st Nov. #nofilterday

So it has had me thinking about being real, because I too post a lot more “motherhood is awesome” posts than ” motherhood is the frikking hardest thing you’ll ever do” posts. For example I have kept a journal since the day I found out I was pregnant with Daniel and I still write in it hoping he will one day want to read it and nowhere in there do i REALLY tell him how hard it really is…

So here’s getting real. Daniel is frikking awful at the moment…. And I mean , throw him against the wall and tape his mouth with duck tape awful. Terrible twos have hit our house in the hugest way resulting in a LOT of foot stomping and LOOOOOOTS of tears. It’s a battle with everything and I mean EVERYTHING.

20131113-223430.jpgA few weeks ago he went to school in his Pj top, board shorts and a pair of sheepskin slipper that were 3 sizes too small for him because the tears were actually not worth it and neither the battle ….. So yes come Monday at the moment I am actually thrilled to send him to school. There you have it REAL In a nutshell.

And then comes last night where through some facebooking I come across Mandy’s post that she is going to start a blog and I think “yay for you” I’m gonna read and give her some comments of encouragement. Well!! I didn’t comment so much. You see Mandy and Chris lost their beautiful little 4 yrs old girl in a freak accident a year ago…..so all I did whilst sobbing my little heart out was think to myself You lucky bitch, stop complaining you have this amazing little guy that you get to cuddle everyday, suck it up!!

Then today I had the heartbreaking privilege of going on a site visit to a crèche in shakashead. Shayamoya the crèche has 92 kids and what I saw today nearly me broke me in two…. The ilembe chamber of commerce and Tree ( NGO) have partnered together and together with the ladies business forum ( of which I’m member) we are going to target 20 crèches and change 497 little peoples lives over the next 3 yrs….so again I was reminded that even in my gingers terrible two-ness im still so privileged to have a healthy amazing little guy in my life and also be able to give him what he needs…..

So yah, motherhood is frikking hard and Daniel is not easy at the moment but shoeh I’m blessed even in the hard times and grateful for what I have. I have a little boy who I adore and so many privileges…. so whilst I’m real I will continue to write about this journey called motherhood, because even in the hard times it’s amazing!!

4:30am ramblings

So I’m in between a mixture of mother’s guilt and serious tiredness.
This is a topic right up there with do your spank your child or not……Leaving baby to cry.

Let’s rewind to pre-ginger days: I was the mother type that naively believed my child he would sleep through at 8 weeks.

Then my DNA produced a child who had reflux, recurring ear infections and eventually grommets! So actually Daniel only slept through really consistently for the first time in November 2012 @ the tender age of 14mths ( hey I was only a year out in my calculations!! )

We did however have to at that stage employ some sleep training, Due to the constant ear and chest infections our little ginger had no idea how to sleep through and if he woke up had no idea how to put himself back to sleep. But since then tho he’s pretty much slept through every night.

But then there is the pearler like last night!!

Ok so let me get to my point. Even though I did employ sleep training ( so am therefore an advocate of letting my child cry for short periods) I have always felt kak about it  when something like this morning happens and I wonder if I’m being too hard.

You see the ginger is teething so we’ve had broken nights anyway and on top of it daddy is not here so I’m his only lifeline and as a result he is really clingy as it is. So when he cries he calls out Mommy mommy I feel so much worse because of the single parenting situation at the moment.

This morning however at 4:30am (yes you read right) I was in no mood to entertain conversations or the sound of Barney coming from the TV.

So this resulted in Daniel REALLY crying until I entered his room, him screaming even more when I took him in my arms to try and settle him but did not leave the bedroom, followed by a complete meltdown when I put him back in his cot and walked out after 20min.

Then I lay in bed while he cried (he did eventually stop) and felt so kak about it. Firstly because I had raised my voice at him when we wouldn’t calm down, he then cried Daddy,daddy, to which I replied ‘No use crying for your daddy, go to sleep.’

I’m rambling cos Im just so tired. But I guess I just wonder if I’m being too hard assed in the face of everything that’s going on, but at the same time 4:30am is not an acceptable time to “rise and shine”

Plus fighting with your 20mth old in the wee hours of the morning  is bound to make you feel horrid.

I’ll say it again. Roll on  next two weeks so we can go back to being a family……this single parenting thing is tough man! Kudos to all you single parents out there!!!