Mixed emotions

So the baby is coming next week and the Caesar is booked. In a week I will be a mom of two and IM PETRIFIED!!

I was trying to explain the feeling I have and the only way I can it explain it is it’s similar to your wedding day, cos it’s a fixed date. (Except I wasn’t petrified) You keep on saying: This time next week, or this time tomorrow… With a Caesar it’s like that and one would think that with my A type personality this would be my absolute dream, but it’s so not like that. I’m SO disappointed that this is planned and I am still hopeful that I’ll at least go into labour before next week. That brings on the whole debate of whether I try everything under the sun to get labour going naturally or if I just let it be and leave this one up to God.

I’m really battling to get my head around dropping the ginger off at school and then going off to the hospital to have a baby.

I fortunately have a week to get my head right because it’s really about a focus change because I need to focus on the excitement of meeting the Ablet.

It’s hard tho because daddy Abs and I both haven’t really processed this one in all the chaos of this year…. So best we catch a wake up!!

My second emotion is one of sadness. I’m very aware that in a week our dynamic of three will be drastically altered (for the better) but altered nonetheless. And I’m kinda sad about it. When I lie in bed with the Ginger and tickle his back or when he comes out his room and just wants me I realistically from next week will not be able to give that to him and our special times just the two of us will no longer exist. And through all of the kak this year I haven’t really savoured those moments as I should and now there are very few moments left.

So yah not what one would expect me to be writing on the impending arrival of our second child and not what I expected to be feeling. But hey feelings are neither write not wrong they just are.