Ginger turns 4

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So on Thursday the ginger turned 4. And I know everyone says this: but I still distinctly remember the split second silence, followed by his piercing cry as he was born, like it was yesterday, so I can’t believe my baby is 4!!!

I don’t know who was more excited him or me but I couldn’t wait for this birthday this year and his emotion and passion when he opened presents just confirmed how much I adore this child and his zest for life.

His day was a full one filled with early morning opening of present, birthday rings at school, his literacy evening where he read out the Lion and the mouse and then topped off with a supper at Spur. There are a lot of pics but that’s because his face is priceless and really shows his day and I just couldn’t choose!!!

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Of course the plane had to have breakfast with him

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You know you’ve nailed the present when your son gives it a kiss!

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When he realised what it was

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Sometimes the box is just as much fun!

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No more sleeps left!

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On Saturday we also had a little party with a few of his friends. The theme was dinosaurs and of course as my husband said i totally overdid it……. but it wasn’t for me. Not only did I enjoy it and loved doing all the decor, I did it because I have a crappy birthdate where no one remembers and if they do they really couldn’t care about having a party just before new years. So I know how it feels to have kak birthday parties and I NEVER want Dan to feel like that. I never want his day to be anything short of amazing and I’ll work even harder for the Kat who has the 18th December for hers!!

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So yes I went all out and will continue to do so cos to see the little guys face and enjoyment was just priceless and when he said to me that evening: Thank you mom for spoiling me today, it was all appreciation I needed.

So till next year… And thank goodness I have a year to recoup cos I’m pooped!!

31 things

*its a long one beware and there will be moaning, bitching but then I guess that’s the beauty of it being my space – Reminds me of the lyrics: it’s my party…… 😉 *

To do list

The title is one of my first posts I wrote in my head about 5 weeks ago! Since then I’ve written about another dozen in my head so I guess It’s pretty apt as there is so much that has happened, so much to talk to, so many thoughts to offload…. Although 31 things doesn’t really come close…. More like 61!!

Adjusting to my new life.I won’t lie I’m taking some serious getting used to this working from home thing. Don’t get me wrong it’s still the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but if I had to look at the past two months objectively and I was the boss, which I am, I’d have fired me long ago!!! My business takes last place. After, family, maid, house and the list goes on. And that’s seriously wrong. I should be ploughing serious hours into this business and instead I’m spinning around doing all other cr@p that’s not ‘expected’ of me yet just ends on my plate. Every Monday though I regroup and start over and try again… I fail….. but at least in trying. I’m doing surprisingly well considering the effort being put in and have signed 3 clients this month. God has been so good to me.

Mothers guilt. I thought It would be different being at home with Kat but it’s just morphed into different forms but it’s still there. Just proves that us women and mothers are SO good at feeling guilty for just living! My latest guilt is the fact that I have to stop breastfeeding. The Kat,post my Cape Town trip, has just point blank refused to feed. I’ve had a few successes but she’s on the whole just not interested anymore. I’m mostly sad and very heart sore but also feel guilty that I went to Cape Town (I frikking know right?!?) And then there’s the ginger. He’s sleeping really badly AGAIN and I permanently feel it’s my fault for not spending enough quality time as I’m always running myself raggard with 1001 things and short with him. So of course it’s my fault right?!??

On running myself raggard.I seems to be in a permanent spin and the list never seems to get smaller. And every so often I will get an older lady ie not my generation tell me that I’m soooooo lucky to have a husband who’s hands on with the kids. And I read a blog post the other day which really summed it up for me. I am lucky because there are many husbands that don’t help. BUT that doesn’t mean I should have to accept always coming last out of the 4 of us or having to perform 40 tasks for every one someone else in the house does. Or as a women do I? Your thoughts?

Cape Town- 2.5 days 2 nights. 4 wine estate, waterfront, night out. 2 best friends and NO children. 

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That pretty much sums it up. Heaven doesn’t come close to describing how frikking amazing the time was. It made me realise just how neglected I’ve felt and how much I’ve lost touch with myself. I laughed so much my belly hurt, I lived on a staple diet of cheese, red wine, champagne and ice cream. It was just amazing and made me treasure the two special friends I went with. I’ve only known them just over a year and they truly have supported me through a tough year. Those type of people you hang into. Most of all there is just no cr@p with them, which is really hard to find, especially with females ( we’re a special species 😉

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Weekends away and conditions for travel. 

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We were away again this weekend. It the second and last of our two annual weekend away. We we’re at Castleburn. It’s our first time and it’s really lovely. I packed totally incorrectly for us as it was quite warm even tho the max temp was only supposed to be 22 deg. It must be really beautiful in summer and has a lovely pool which the kids could make use of. There are also great activities for the kids, trampoline, tennis courts, paddle boats, jungle gym etc. My first impression is that we’ll be back.

BUT and there is a very big but. There will be conditions for travel going forward. I will no longer be trying to pack this family of four myself and then driving like a banshee to fetch daddy Abs from work and then arriving in the cold and dark with two kids who have slept and hour already and then have to settle in an unfamiliar environment. It’s not a great start for every weekend for me. I arrived stressed and raggard and just not conducive for good family time and I’m done doing it. I’ve been doing this for 4 years and the conditions for travel will be that we rather go away less but definitely not after work. It just don’t work!!

(Oh and on an aside and totally random……. I  was sitting outside on the Saturday and saw a hearse pull up and escort a dead body out a unit from across the road. What the hell. Not often you see that whilst on holiday!!!

The Kat.

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Every day I fall more and more in love with her. She’s a smart cookie this one. Very expressive with her hand (secretly I hope she’ll play the piano like her momma ) and she communicates so well when she wants to tell you something. She is a beautiful 9kgs with thighs and cellulite to die for. The kind you jsut wanna sink your teeth into. I’m truly very blessed that I’m able to watch her sprout before my eyes, even if it makes me a little heartsore in the process.

The Ginger.

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We’ve just done his 9/10/11th bout , sorry i lose track, of Tonsillitis. This was a particularly bad round with temps hitting 41 degrees and battling to break them. We have an appointment with Dr Desmarais at the end of the month as I think it’s time we get them out. Not looking forward to it and have some serious fears about it , thanks to my best friend who has scared the kak out of me (her little one had a really bad experience) So yah I’m hoping Desmarais will be able to alleviate some of my fears. Other than that he’s a real sweetheart and coming up with the most precious things. He turns four next week can you believe it and we’re having a little party at home for him. It’s a dinosaur theme. Really need to get my A into G and get cracking on  the decor. (ADD TO LIST OF 31 THINGS)

And here we are Spring is here, can you believe its September!!! I have my diet on and starting to shed my scaly and pale skin. * note to self , get legs into sun, you can no longer live at the coast and be THIS pale, not a great advert for coastal living * And that’s pretty much me in a not so concise short nutshell.

And the way its going….until next month take care. 🙂

Week two in 200 

Ok so here’s an update in about 200 words….more because I don’t really have capacity for more J

I have worked intense hours trying to get setup but I think I’m just about there and next week can really start canvassing for business!!

Two weeks into my new business Marketing Works and here are a few thoughts.

  1. I love it!
  2. Working from home has its advantages (if you could see my dress code you’d understandJ
  3. My brain has never swum with more information overload ever!!!!
  4. I feel more accomplished and inadequate all merged into one large bundle than I have ever felt before
  5. I feel empowered
  6. I am scared absolutely beyond belief and flit between being so pumped and so scared of failure every 30 seconds
  7. I have read and upskilled myself and tingle with all the knowledge and information I have gained in the past two weeks
  8. I am more passionate about marketing than I have been in the past 5 years
  9. I am seeing my baby girl sprout before my eyes BUT the difference is I’m around to see it
  10. I baked cupcakes with my little guy for baker baker yesterday and it rocked!
  11. I’m more focused and determined than ever before
  12. I’ve lost 2kgs because I’ve been able to get to the gym and focus on me for a change
  13. I’m able to click post to this blog post and then go lie on the carpet for 20 min and play with the Kat before I go fetch the ginger
  14. This has been the best thing to ever happen to me

And……tonight I have date night hubby….for the first time in ages.

LIFE IS GOOD!

So have an awesome weekend everyone.

 



Baker baker



a quick visit at the ‘office’ 😉



Holiday… Me time, spoilings and family.



What luxury! I’m sitting in the hairdresser, cup of warm tea and just two hours of bliss and quiet ahead of me!! It funny how your standards change and how amazing the little me time you get can be so amazing even if it’s sitting at a hairdresser!! 



We’re away for the week and came to visit daddy Abs’s family in East London. It’s been a year since we were home so has been really nice to be back. 

It’s an 8 hour journey so on the way down we decided to break the trip and stay over in kokstad. We stayed at Imbali guest house. It had four stars rating and was really lovely. The only problem was we were all in one room and the room we booked was still occupied so instead of kicking out the dude occupying it they put us in a small room with a mattress on the floor for the ginger. Problem was the mattress was still covered in the original plastic they bought it in. I also forgot a mattress for Kat so we had to make a makeshift mattress out of the throws over our bed. 



So it was character building and saw us eating supper takeaways on he bathroom floor while the kids slept 🙂

Long and the short of it we’ve decided to do the trip back in one go . The kids travelled really well and we will just stop for breakfast and lunch. It is after all a family holiday and it’s about the journey too. And it’s a beautiful journey. Having been born in the Eastern Cape, one can’t but sense the feeling of being ‘home’ as one drives through this distinctive and beautiful landscape. 





A holiday with us wouldn’t be a holiday if we didn’t have one of us sick!! We did it super well however and ALL visited the dr on our first day here. Kat was well so she just came for the ride 😉 daddy and I got antibiotics and the ginger got a course of Aspelone. Horrid stuff that! Makes him super hyper and yuk. His last day is tomorrow and I can’t say he’s much better. This flu this year is nasty stuff. My poor Kat however is now sick and there is nothing you can give a 7 month old. So I’m just trying to keep her not so congested and from going to her chest. I won’t lie I’m a little nervous after our horrid hospital experience in April!! 

Whahahahahaha. I’m just retreading the post and it really doesn’t sound like a thrilling trip so far 🙂 but it’s actually been really lovely and relaxing…. As relaxing as it can be with two children. But yah it’s been really great. As usual gunny and bugga (aka grandparents) have been awesome and spoilt us and the ginger rotten and daddy Abs and I also got to go shopping for like 3hrs just the two of us. We actually went shopping for daddy abs and I came home with loads of things for me!! And now I’m at the hairdresser getting pampered





So it been a good week and given me time to regroup and get myself up and running as next week is going to be a big week as I finally launch my new business. 

365 days of different



Today marked a year since our lives changed forever…and it sends chills down my spine as I remember driving down to the hospital 13 weeks pregnant with the Kat and praying ‘lord please let him live, please let him live’ 

And God answered that prayer…..

We aren’t the same though and our family dynamic is not what it used to be. A family member having a stroke will do that to you. Our get togethers aren’t as loud with the presence of my larger than life dad telling stories, with his face alight and his hearty laughs…. Instead he’s now the one who sits and observes, mute.

He’s slowing down tremendously and who knows how long he’ll be with us. My older brother left today to go back home to Toronto. Very hard for him, knowing that more than likely he won’t see his dad alive again….. Emigration hurts no matter reasons you do it for! 

And I lie in bed awake….A lot…mostly after the 3am feed where I’ve had a few hours, just enough to recharge me. And I think of how I’ll tell my son about heaven and  where his ‘bugga’ has gone to. And I think of his funeral and how we will portray what an amazing man he was. Because let’s face it any funeral you go to people will tell what an amazing person the deceased was but people that have met and have known my dad just don’t know how blessed they were because he was…. Is such an incredible person. 

I don’t think we’ll ever know Gods reason or timing for this but we have learnt over the last year:

  • To treasure the little things and small victories 
  • To LOVE and I mean with all your heart the ones close to you
  • That the human spirit will ALWAYS hope even in the face of adversity

But we will never be the same and shoeh there are some days that I so wish it hadn’t ended this way as I had so much I still wanted to do with my dad…. I just treasure that I still get the chance everyday to say what I need to say and whisper ‘ I love you’ and THAT I take as a gift….. I’m given the chance everyday to treasure the time I have left with him. 

A day to forget

So I’ve been running a bit, which is so good for me. It makes me less hyped up and a nicer person….well at least most of the time. Today has however been a bad day…. It’s been a day of the crazies where my demons have chased me and pretty much just been one of those days where I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed (not a luxury one is afforded when you have two kids )

It’s been a day of self loathing for not being good enough that I’m jobless at the end of this month and that I run the risk of putting my family’s well being at risk if this business of mine fails…..it’s hard not to take it personally when a company decides they don’t need you.

It’s been a day where I’ve questioned friendships and not being good enough. And questioned why I never seem to make the cut….over and over, but I’m always good for it when it suits.

It’s been a day of questioning my parenting of my ginger. Am I too hard, and how much baggage am I leaving him with by the way I parent him? As I always seems to be making excuses for the way I parent him.

It’s a day where I have HATED my body, every lump and bump and every gram of the 5kgs I’m still carrying and yet feeling really flat about the journey I still have to travel to get it off…. It’s a day where I’ve wished I was a boy, bless my dear (skinny) husband who just doesn’t realised how awesome it is to be A boy with no self loathing cares in the world….. Cares I know I’m doomed to pass onto my Darling daughter without ever trying. That’s the crappiness of this world that places so much pressure on looking skinny and beautiful. I know I have had two children and still breastfeeding one but I can’t seem to embrace my saddle bags and muffin top even though I ‘apparently’ look amazing for someone who had a baby 5 months ago!

It’s lastly it’s been a day of horrible heartache as I watch my precious daddy drool more and more due to the paralysis in his face and watch his weak legs wobble as he tries to stand. It hurts like hell when I say prayers with my ginger and we end off with ‘ and a special prayer for bugger’ a prayer we have prayed now for a year and it makes me sick as I still don’t know how you explain heaven to a little person…..so whilst my head knows I don’t want my dad to live like this my heart screams with very fibre of my being IM NOT READY.

So yah it’s been a shit day! So I’m in bed it 8pm and it’s lights out for me. It’s the only way I know how. Pray, sleep, regroup and start over tomorrow. And again I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the movie castaway with Tom hanks

‘ I have to keep breathing…For tomorrow the sun with rise, who knows what the tide could bring’

How to turn your world upside down 101

So I got retrenched two weeks ago!!
Yip you read correctly. Redundant, outta there, whatever you wanna call it.

It seems my company sees no value for marketing and basically everything it did in the past two years was not considered valued.

It’s been a big shock and has of course come with lots of financial stress and self loathing but on the whole plunged me into a world where I have felt nothing but a sense of relief and also excitement (mixed with nauseating fear).

I have been very heart sore since going back to work about how quickly my babies are growing up and how I won’t be able to be a mom first and foremost whilst working for someone else. So whilst I had always thought I would do my own thing it’s was a plan for when Daniel goes to high school. So yah that’s been somewhat expedited.

I have this month to get my logo designed, website up and ready to start getting clients for my new marketing consultancy.
Watch this space, July is set to be an interesting one!!

And say a little prayer for me too, it’s a scary thing, now that I have a family to look after too. But I stand firm that the big man has his hand in this and will keep me and my dearest in the palm of his hand.