Growing up and migrating to abdoantics.co.za

So this has been the home of Abdoantics.wordpress.com  ever since that ‘fateful’ day I sat next to Therealjenty and was lamenting how it was so hard to keep up with family and friends all over the world. She suggested  I start a blog.

I’ve never looked back and love this space where I place my thoughts.

I have been REALLY REALLY quiet for the past 8 months. My new business Marketing Works has been flying but as a result everything personal hasn’t.

Meanwhile in the background I have been wanting to get our own domain. Which I did: http://www.abdoantics.co.za is now up and running and this is a note to say adieu.

This will be my last post here and from now you will be able to find us in our new home.

Thank you wordpress for serving us so well….. So as they say here in Ballito: Catch you on the flip side

 

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Week two in 200

Ok so here’s an update in about 200 words….more because I don’t really have capacity for more J

I have worked intense hours trying to get setup but I think I’m just about there and next week can really start canvassing for business!!

Two weeks into my new business Marketing Works and here are a few thoughts.

1. I love it!
2. Working from home has its advantages (if you could see my dress code you’d understandJ
3. My brain has never swum with more information overload ever!!!!
4. I feel more accomplished and inadequate all merged into one large bundle than I have ever felt before
5. I feel empowered
6. I am scared absolutely beyond belief and flit between being so pumped and so scared of failure every 30 seconds
7. I have read and upskilled myself and tingle with all the knowledge and information I have gained in the past two weeks
8. I am more passionate about marketing than I have been in the past 5 years
9. I am seeing my baby girl sprout before my eyes BUT the difference is I’m around to see it
10. I baked cupcakes with my little guy for baker baker yesterday and it rocked!
11. I’m more focused and determined than ever before
12. I’ve lost 2kgs because I’ve been able to get to the gym and focus on me for a change
13. I’m able to click post to this blog post and then go lie on the carpet for 20 min and play with the Kat before I go fetch the ginger
14. This has been the best thing to ever happen to me

And……tonight I have date night hubby….for the first time in ages.

LIFE IS GOOD!

So have an awesome weekend everyone.

 



Baker baker



a quick visit at the ‘office’ 😉



Dark spaces and happy days…a catch up

It’s 5:54am and I’m awake….have been since 4:30 when I fed Kat, who then decided it was far more fun to stay awake. She’s now asleep in the swing of course and I have to be up in 6min as I’m singing in church this morning for the Easter service so that my sleep done! 

Got love kids and we choose to do this?!? The above picture is why… Because we watch them when they sleep and marvel at how perfect they are even when they’ve woken us at 4:30am.

So let’s catch up quickly before I have to get ready. 

 

We’re in the house! At long last the dream of close on two years materialised and we got the keys to our beautiful home on the 21st march. We moved on the Saturday and won’t lie it’s been chaos and was by far the hardest moves I have ever done and trust me I’ve moved 13 times in 10 years so I know what I’m talking about. There is still so much dust and dirt and everything is just harder with two small kids. Also doesn’t help that daddy Abs is still working his butt off at work an therefore not able to assist and at night too tired to help so basically I’ve had to do it on my own. 

The ginger has finally adjusted and seems to be far more settled now finally as we’ve been pulled through the ringer with him! He was just playing up and it’s so nice to see him mostly back to the sweet little boy we once knew. Biggest problem for me was the regression in his potty training. He started to poo in his pants and everyone said don’t make a big scene about it but after three months I just felt that everyone else’s advice was not working for us as I really felt he knew what was going on. So we were on our third change of undies one day and I was doing something in the kitchen when I heard: ‘oh no, the poos coming out.’ All nonchalantly as if it was ok. Well I smacked him on the bum, marched him off to the loo and said to him this is how it’s gonna be going forward. You poo in your pants and you will get smacked, you will also be punished and have no treats. Do you understand? He didn’t even cry and said yes he understood and since then we’ve had no accidents. It just shows you all the books and google in the world can’t prepare you for parenthood and you HAVE to go with your gut because EVERY child is different. 

What would my life be if there wasn’t a little drama 4 days before I go back to work??? Well we had a little nanny saga. So two months ago I started having a wobbly about Kat being so young when I go back to work (3.5mths, her brother was 5 and there is a big difference!) so I started to consider that maybe I could use some full time help at home and also keep Kat at home for the first year. So in went thru and agency and found a nanny. She started at the beginning of March  and at first seemed really amazing. But then I started realising she really didn’t know what she was doing. I’m very emotional about going back to work and so I said to daddy Abs I wasn’t making an rash decisions and would see how it went during my first month back. That was expedited when I walked into the nursery three days ago and found her asleep in the rocking chair. The problem was not that she had dozed off but that my precious daughter was perched on a pillow on her lap and was not supported and could’ve rolled off. I know she would’ve said how sorry she was and that it would’ve happen again but I knew in my heart of hearts she wasn’t qualified for the job and that I wouldn’t be able to go to work on Tuesday confident that Kat was safe. So I went to Daniels old crèche and by the grace if God Kat’s place was still available and she starts on my first day. Need to now get my head around packing school bags etc for two, going to be interesting times .

 Daddy Abs and I had a long hard chat a few nights ago and really going to have to hit the routine hard during the week. It’s the only was we will survive. I for one am looking forward to it as I thrive on routine and is how I am most effective and achieved most things in my life…. Daddy Abs acknowledges it’s the only ways we’ll for everything in however it doesn’t come naturally to him so we’ll see 🙂

 So tomorrow is Easter Sunday a very momentum day for us Christians. Going to be an interesting one as the ginger is still to young to really grasp the full concept of the crucifixion but yet we still don’t want it to be all the about the bunny.

 This also marks for me a really sad time as I will be going back to work in two days. My maternity leave didn’t work out at all how I planned it would. Katherine has grown like a weed right before my eyes yet I’ve been doing everything but watching her grow up and I’d be lying if I wasn’t bitterly disappointed about that. But i won’t harp on that  here as I’ve written a really crappy, dark, bitter and twisted post on it, which I’m still contemplating posting 🙂

My dad is regressing yet still has good days… What an oxymoron. I still remain true to the wish that I do not want him to feel anymore pain and that he would just fall asleep and not wake up, but with the baptism of our baby girl in June, my mom’s 70th and my brother and his family coming out one selfishly hopes he’d stick it out till then. But there will alway be another birthday, milestone or something we want him to stay for, it’s the human condition. Just when I think I’m ready for him to go I find a reason for it not to be ok. A stroke has got to be the shittest and cruelest thing to happen to someone. 

On a brighter note:

I ran to the gym today and as those beautiful endorphins kicked in I dreamt of marathons I would enter and felt so much better. 

I have been thinking of doing another #100happydays mainly because I’ve spent the past few weeks in a really bad space and I think it’s time to focus on the good of which there is lots . Right now I’m I’m in the midst of sleep deprivation and going back to work and trying to find my feet in all of this that I’m not sure I want to add to that pile. If I change my mind tho this space will be the first to know.

So that’s me in a nutshell and best I get to bed before the Kat wakes for her first feed. 

When you believe

So dad was home for 5 days and we got the call from Entabeni rehabilitation centre to say that they had a bed for him.

The 5 days at home were incredibly challenging and were 24hrs round the clock for mom. We had teething problems with carers and settling in was challening but there were several upsides as well and we saw dad relax and really excel at home. But we still felt that a place where dad could get intensive rehab was the best place for him to be so off he went last week Thursday.

Entabeni has been a shock to the system for all of us. Its not what we expected and Dad has been very emotional when we see him. The care is really good and he is getting what he needs but emotionally we are not sure that its the best place long term. My dad up until the stroke was a practicing lawyer running a big practice. He got up for work everyday and still drove into the city. Now he is paralysed and can’t speak… Big thing to take in!!

Mom and I really prayed about it and also left it up to the big man usptairs to guide us and it seems that things have fallen into place and the path has been made clear for us… And that is to bring dad home and continue his therapy at home.

It wont happen today or tomorrow but we are making plans to get him home by the end of next week. We just need to get railing for the toilets and showers etc and also mom needed to find a carer whom she met this morning and who is lovely. We are trying not to get too excited as there have been many let downs during this journey but she’s sounds like a fit for dad and we are very blessed to have found her.

We met as a family with the Entabeni Rehab centre on Wednesday a week after dad’s admittance. It was a very constructive meeting and also not doom and gloom which we were expecting. They are very realistic and also have us their concerns. The therapists and Dr are all amazing and have my dad’s best interests at heart. When asked the direct question will my dad walk again, his physio said “YES” and when asked if he will talk again his Speech therapist said “YES” and the rest is history.

 

I still continue to believe Dad will make a recovery…a full one. We are not dealing with an ordinary person here. You have to meet this amazing man to know what we know in our hearts of heart…. he will do this.

When my mom had breast cancer many years ago and was going through chemo I printed this song out by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston: When you believe. We laminated it and put it on the fridge and I’ll do it again. Because these are words we live by at the moment.

 

Many nights we’ve prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we know we could

Oh yes, there can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill

Who knows what miracle
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away

And now I am standing here
My hearts so full, I can’t explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I’d say

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

They dont always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fear, ohh
But when youre blinded by your pain
Cant see your way safe through the rain
Thought of a still resilient voice
Says love is very near

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill

Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will, how you will
You will when you believe

You will when you believe
Just believe
You will when you believe
Just believe
You will when you believe

2013….2014

Ten minutes till a new year…. I feel like I’m writing an exam… So here goes

Been a wicked year. A hard year. But we’re here living the coastal dream!

My wish for 2014:

Love my hubby more – focus on us
Get rid of mothers working guilt
Swear less – if I’m not careful the ginger will say ‘shit’ or worse
Love Me more – I’m not good at this!!
Get fit….. I’m so tired of being fat!!

And I wanna be happy. I intend to fake it till I make it! So even when times are tough I intend to put a smile on my dial, moan less and trust in God because he truly has my back and has provided. 2014 is gonna be a good year, an amazing year and I’m gonna make sure of it…..

Love to all
Xxxx

Woweee but you are blessed

Whenever I see something like this video on Youtube I always burst into tears….You see I’m a lot softer than I was before I had the ginger 🙂 which means I’m now REALLY soft!!

Some may think , wow how depressing to watch stuff like this and we shouldn’t watch it because we’d all just lie in bed all day and mope around and be depressed….. I’m a mom and I have a family, there are very few days that I have the luxury, the time or energy to be mopy….But I  too have my days  and sometimes feel like I need a little hand holding and loving.

But I watch stuff like this, because even tho I cry and feel guilt, its a guilt that comes with a little bit of perspective…..that although we are all facing our battles and yes it IS relative and may be the biggest thing in your life, YOU ARE BLESSED!

You are so frikking blessed it’s scary and you have SOOOO much to be grateful for, cos man alive there are people out there that are so much worse off than you.

So here’s what I’m grateful for:

• My ginger (you had to know he’d feature high, if not first on the list 🙂 ) – what a blessing and absolute joy he is. My heart bursts with pride on a daily basis at the miracle and blessing he is in our lives
• My darling Long suffering husband who puts up with my rants and raves with the patience of a saint!!!
• My ability to run and experience what it feels like to have the miles of tar beneath my feet.
• The fact that I have a job and that I work in the most beautiful setting every day and only drive 4km to work
• That I’m close my family – a blessing I’m grateful for everyday – I didn’t know how much we were missing out on until three months ago
• The fact that by the grace of God we are able to build our house next year
• The fact that the pace of my life has slowed down and that one of the biggest decisions I’ve had to make is whether I should cut my hair or not 
• I have my health – a really good school friends sister has just been diagnosed with breast cancer at 36yrs of age!!!
• It looks like I will be able to get a week’s leave over Christmas (fingers crossed, it’s not confirmed yet but even the thought is a blessing)

And those are just a few….. So even though some days are diamonds and some days are stone there’s a lot to be grateful for.

The house build is back on

I haven’t for so long I don’t really know where to begin….the intention has been there, the will not.

But I’m back and have a few moments to myself as Daddy Abs is away this weekend 😦 Not entirely thrilled about it hey work is work.

Our biggest news is that the house build is back on! We looked long and hard at our finances and thought to ourselves….we are going to save for two years and in the end barely keep up with inflation and the rising costs of building so what’s he point. ….so we’ve decided to take the plunge and go ahead and I must say I’m super excited!

I believe everything happens for a reason and over the past two weeks or so we have met a lovely man called Neil Roomer from Born free construction, who is an absolute Godsend! He is an architect and interior designer but also spend many years working with his brother construction. So he’ll be facilitating the build at a fraction of the cost of a normal contractor.

So the plans are done ,he nailed them pretty much first time, and today we signed off the sketch!!

So we’ve gotten our four bedrooms my walk in closet, a BEAUTIFUL big garden and we dont have to cut into the bank and retain any walls!

Next step is doing working drawings and submitting to council.

I’m nervous… I think anyone would be but at the same time I’m super excited that by the middle of next year we’ll be in our own home and this space will have a house on it.

Watch this space, there will be plenty build talk in the coming months no doubt 🙂

Girls night out = Hospital ???

Girls night out! Man Alive I was so excited.

So my mom, my sis and I headed out to see the show. We arrived at the Venue to find they only offered toasted sandwich so we headed across the road to grab a quick bite to eat at an Italian restaurant.

We asked what they could do quickly and all settled for Dorado fish and salad. It was divine! Look I’m no seasoned fish eater. My mom said it was old but I thought it was great.

Paid the bill and headed to the show.

About half an hour later. I started to battled to breathe and I thought to myself wow I don’t feel too great. Then my body started to itch and I was HOT! I leaned over and said to my mom: “I think I’m having an allergic reaction?!? At half time we went outside and I still said to my sis “ Let’s just stay for the second half I’m sure I’ll be fine” She took one look at me and said: “No we’re getting out of here” “ I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we got closer to home if you need a hospital” I only realised into the car and saw my swollen bloodshot eyes that something hectic was up!

She dropped me off an I took Deselex but an hour later I was still battling to breathe and quite frankly getting a little freaked out!! So I agreed with Daddy Abs(much to his protesting ) I would drive myself to the hospital. I didtn want to wake the Ginger plus all he’d want would be me and that stage I was in no state to be looking after a little person!

So I headed to Netcare Alberlito Hospital and got checked into A&E. The nurses were incredible! The Dr …..not so much and whats worse is I owe him R470 for NO EVEN FRIKKING TOUCHING ME! He walked in, approved the drugs the nurses proposed and went back to his blaring TV to watch his program! I’m pissed about it but to be quite honest I don’t have the energy to fight it!! So I’ll pay the b@stard but I sure as hell wont be singing his praises. Ballito is a small place and he wont be getting business from my network!!

Moving on……

So eventually I got the drugs….the itching stopped and I headed home in the early hours of the morning. The following day I felt like I’d been run over by a bus and battled to breathe but been fine since then….

So how’s that for my first night out in ages…..Think I might be laying low for a few days 🙂

Daniel’s first birthday party -The Perfect Day!

What a superb day in the SUN! Yes SUN!!

  

After a serious downpour for two days which resulted in us having to pull out our recently packed winter woollies, the sun reared its glorious head just in time for our little guys party.

We had a few friends over to celebrate and my mom flew up from Durbs for the special day.

We had a ball pond for the kids and Daniel just loved all the balls! (no doubt what his present from us is 🙂

He bounced about and even got to smash his fingers into his cake….followed by a little taste tester, which he LOVED!

Of course what would any special occasion be without a few tears on my behalf…I just can’t believe he turns one tomorrow!

It was the most perfect day!

Shoeh! What a hectic few days…

It’s been an unbelievable two days and this post has had many a titles. But with the chaos that comes with family stuff it means I haven’t had moment to process let alone write…Please excuse the jumbled-upness of this post but stress tends to do that to me, amongst other things.

Let go back 3 days.

Hang on let’s go back two weeks for a little history… We buried our Uncle (my dad’s brother) last week and a few days prior to that my dad presented with a shortness of breath. I thought stress and possibly a kind of anxiety?!? Any way they (Parentals) cut a trip short under advisement of a GP in Port Elizabeth and headed home and ended up at my sister (the B.E.S.T life practitioner) who also tested Daniel three weeks prior (see the post about clutching at straws) .Anyway so she tested him and found the Epstein Barr Virus in his body. Nasty virus and really the only thing you can do to get rid of it is rest. In the meantime though my Dad had an appointment with Dr Gilmer a cardiologist and went to see him. He did an ECG and said to my dad he’s not happy and would like to do an angiogram…..which takes us up to Monday……

Monday 20^th August: Dad goes in for angiogram with a view to possibly putting in a stent (routine procedure nothing to worry about) Mom calls Monday afternoon and says: ‘it’s not a stent dad is going to have a double bypass….. CUE Stomach sinking to bottom of toes….

Tuesday 21^st August: I CRIED……A LOT! Turned out my dad needed a triple bypass and I spent most of the day on the phone to family members and my poor hubby trying to decide whether I should fly to Durban for the surgery or not. I had my mom who said not to come because I wouldn’t be allowed to see him. Then at about midday I had my dad on the fone who said the same thing. He however ended the call with ‘ now you take care of that boy and your hubby and remember no matter what happens I love you Pumpkin’  CUE uncontrollable crying from said Pumpkin!!

So I took FOREVER to decide whether I should come down and I had both my mom and dad saying no and then I spoke to my sis and she said to me: ‘ you need to do what you are convicted to do’ To which I responded: ‘I know I’m not thinking he’ll die, but I ask you this, what happen if dad dies tomorrow? I don’t think I will ever be able to live with myself if I’m not there and that decided it….I was off to Durban.

And I sent my dad the following sms: ‘I have taken your suggestion under advisement and as your stubborn daughter decided to ignore you. I will see you tomorrow for a kiss and a hug. Love you old man xxx’

So I booked a flight and headed to Lanseria.  (and by the way who says a women can get ready in 20min!!)

Wednesday 22^nd August: I got to bed late last night, a little wired from the day’s events. I slept like a dream though and woke at 7:50pm (a luxury for a mom to a 11 month old) Got dressed and headed to the Ethekwini hospital. Weird location in the middle of Ballito and town,  but what an amazing facility. As we walked into the hospital I read a tag line on their golf cart that said something along the lines of a “hands on approach to health care”  And that is exactly what it was. The whole experience has been amazing and from the nurses to the Dr’s I have never once doubted my dad’s care was anything less but exemplary.

I got to see my dad which was Objective no1. It was exactly what I needed and as always my dad was in high spirits. My dad is a glass half full kinda guy and retold the stories of how they shaved/Veet’d him from head to toe.

I laughed because being a man he is not subjected to the hair removal process like us women (does he have any frikking idea how much that hair is gonna itch when in three days time, it grows back??!?!?!!?!)

It’s funny how in times of stress or when you possibly think you may lose someone  you revert to old stories. We told stories like my brother and the cat we bought him. My brother had this cat called ‘Kitler’ named Hitler (the name is a whole nother story!!) Anyway we lived on a busy road, Cape Road, In PE and one day Kitler got hit by a car. My brother was devastated and as a quick ‘soothe- the- pain” mechanism my folks headed off to the local SPCA to find a replacement. That was where they met Mrs Naidoo who arrived with 4 kittens whom she was giving up for adoption. My dad by chance intercepted her and kindly offered to take one of the kittens, for a donation of course. It was a gorgeous sandy coloured cat, who was then named Sandy Naidoo!!

And so we told stories like this until the theatre staff arrived to take my dad…….

I kissed him goodbye and he said to me: ‘Take care of Dor (Mom)’

I was a crappy few hours but far fewer than I thought. Of course it was filled with kak coffee and a really horrible sesame chicken wrap with enough oil in it to give me a coronary!!! (why is hospital food SO bad??!)

Then at 1:30pm we headed up to the couches outside the theatre for the long wait (expecting only to  see my dad by 4pm) My mom got a call at 1:55pm, way too early for my dad to be out of theatre…..’Hello Dr’  she  said and my heart sank……except it was good news!!!  He was out of theatre and in recovery.

It is only now, 6hrs post and 4 glasses of wine down that I’m able to really comprehend that. My dad is OK and he actually gonna see my Ginger grow up. He will possible even see my second baby one day and yes we’ll be able to sing a few more songs together…. and I can only but drop to my knees in thanks  to God for giving us a few more years with him. Cos goodness knows I was nowhere near ready to say goodbye…..

We saw him before we left. He was heavily sedated and intubated (but not like in Grey’s Anatomy…it was through his nose) He was peaceful and hasn’t woken because of the sedation. The nurse said he was stable and that he would not even know we were there so we should go home and get some sleep.

At 8pm I called the ICU and they said they had stopped the sedation at 6pm and would take out the breathing tube at 9pm.

We will see him tomorrow at 11am and then I will possibly spend some time with him tomorrow evening before heading back to Johannesburg on the red eye on Friday.

This has been a long post but much needed one as I have need to download somewhat .  There is also a whole different story with Daniel but I’m blogging that one separately here….but before I go some things I have learnt over the past few days and have once again been reminded of during this hard time:

1. I have married the most incredible man! – We do not always get along, in fact we fight a lot but shoeh in times of need and when this really strong independent i-can-do-everything-women needs him, he is THERE and he just takes over. He is amazing. I love you Richard!

2. Whether you like it or not. Your work colleagues are your second family. Hell you spend more time with them than you do your own family. And my second family has been amazing!!! I have only been with my new company 4 months and they have been so incredibly supportive. My boss is letting me work from the comfort of this laptop tomorrow so that I was able to be here for my mom today and for that I will always be grateful

3. During hard times I am a pathetic decision maker! It took me at least 5 hours on Tuesday to make the decision whether to come down to Durban or not. Thanks to my hubby (point 1) that decision was largely made for me.

4. Always follow your gut. It was totally the right thing to be here.

5.  I love running! And I miss it! I went for a run this afternoon along the boardwalk in Ballito, just to clear the cobwebs. Yes it was interrupted by Daniels GP but it was so good to get my heart pumping (it was funny I was a little more appreciative of my beautiful pumping heart today, for some reason)

6. I love red wine – I’ve had a few glasses, in fact after today the poor bottle stood no chance!!! And whilst i will probably feel really horrid tomorrow, it’s been a really rough day and the few glasses have helped to spill the beans and off load… (Its been tough holding it together for mom)

7. My mom is the most incredible lady. She is such a strong cookie and I am a carbon copy of her!!! But I realised today the old lady is taking strain and she needed me today. I’m taking a page out of this scenario and learning to lean on people and maybe not be too independent.

7. I miss my boys terribly. This is a known fact. I am totally besotted with Daniel and I have missed him so much. It was totally the right thing to be here but my life has changed so much and its not so easy to just get up and go.  And I miss my hubby. I miss the quiet strength that he gives me.

So we’re on the other side and dad is OK. Shoeh! Another chapter to add to this exciting journey we call LIFE!!