2015 round up

I cannot believe that I’m writing my catch up for 2015 already!

The years just seem to go by faster and faster and coupled with the goings on in this household this year, we barely blinked and it was already December!

Let’s do a rewind and look at our year.

January was a bit of a blur. Having a baby will do that to one. Ironically though it wasn’t the said baby that was the reason, but more the three infections I got after my Caesar which saw me spending most of January on  Antibiotics. That coupled with the chaos of finishing off the house that we started building in October 2015 made Jan the way it was.

1509753_10153126326135409_4147437610176848305_nFebruary was much the same and then March was just pure CHAOS!! We finally got the keys though to our beautiful home at the end of March.  What followed was two manic weeks as I tried to get the house in some sort of order before going back to work.

The week before I was due to go back to work, I found my nanny sleeping with the Kat in the rocking chair. That’s not the problem…… Problem was that Kat (14 weeks old)  was propped on a pillow with no support and the nanny nearly dropped her, when I woke her.  So I had to scramble and get Kat into crèche before starting work again.

I subsequently went through two nannies , both of whom were useless but at the end of May we found the most amazing lady, without whom I’m not sure I would’ve gotten through this year. Kat just adores her and she has really become part of our family.

I was barely back at work when we went up to Hluhluwe for a weekend with friends. Kat hadn’t been well but really just had a chest which id been to the Dr for, and no real other symptoms. Thank heavens her brother spiked a temp with full blown tonsillitis which landed us at the ER on Sunday evening. I say thank heavens, because had we not gone I wouldn’t have had the Dr check Kat out and found out she has had full blown Bronchial Pneumonia! That landed us in hospital for a week and then followed by me on round 4 of antibiotics straight after.

So April was hard and so much harder being back at work than I expected. I thought it would be easier but all the time my heart just ached to be with my babies.

My wish was kinda granted, just not in the way I expected when work dropped the bombshell and announced they were reMW LOGO.Ptrenching me. It was the end to a very cr@ppy two years there and I must commend my boss who was very clever in how he got rid of me. He did it over a period of 7 months and yes I may sound a little bitter, which I am, only because he got away with his behaviour, but I will say this again and again, they did me THE HUGEST FAVOUR EVER!

So I had no choice but to follow my dream and go on my own. Yes, it was somewhat expedited (by about 10 years) but I have not looked back. And so Marketing Works was born. I now work for myself and get to spend the time with my babies that I so desperately wanted.

My business is thriving which is such an amazing blessing considering the challenges I have faced from a time perspective.  We’ve had  a really tough year with Dan , who has hardly slept and also put us through our paces. One of the changes we made in August was to bring him home after school instead of sending him to aftercare. It was the right move, but put immense pressure on me as working from home in the afternoons is practically impossible with him around. This meant many a late nights to catch up with work and has also resulted in me getting an office in the New Year, which I’m very excited about.

So watch this space. I foresee great things happenings for Marketing Works in 2016!!

On the work front for Daddy Abs. He has really carried a big load at his work and worked LONG  LONG hours.  This has seen him missing out on a lot of the kids’ lives and we can only hope that things will settle down for him in the New Year.

The year was not all doom and gloom and was interspersed with a few weekends away and also a trip to East London in July to see Daddy’s Abs’s folks.

11866380_10153492030490409_2036355325909225441_nIn August I got to go away for the first time in 4 years! (for pleasure that is) Went to Cape Town for a girls weekend. I can CATEGORICALLY STATE IT WAS THE FRIKKING BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!!! Made me realise how in desperate need I am of me time. We had the most amazing time just me and my two girlfriends. Already planning 2016’s trip!

 

 

11954642_10153570218050409_1053987853890913581_nThe Ginger turned 4 in September and has really grown as a little person and in character….lots of it!! As I mentioned it has not been the most pleasant year with him and he really has challenged us….well mostly me. This has left me feeling really sucky as a mom and a feeling like a huge failure in that department, but I think with the changes I’m putting in place next year, I’m hoping to be able to be more present and enjoy my time with him, not trying to always split myself into 20.  He also had a tonsillectomy shortly after his 4th birthday. 10 days of hell, but hopefully we’re done with the constants chest infections, temps and miz boy!!

12347986_10153767376545409_4427366975433686902_nThe Kat turned 1 last week! I know right???? Ridiculous! She is not walking or crawling…..she has totally missed the crawling memo and bum shuffles, it really is cute. She has been an absolute breeze and I’m still waiting for it to change. (I know wait till she’s 13!!) I have absolutely adored every minute with her and watching her learn and discover.

 

 

 

 

Other than that it’s been a long working year for us and culminated in an all nighter last night to finish off.  So finished is what we are!

Plans for next year?

Daddy Abs and I are in desperate need of some Adult time away from the Kids. So we’ve found ourselves two really nice babysitters who we are going to be making good use of. Frightening what a babysitter cost’s per hour, but it definitely is needed.

We have also sat down and planned our holidays for next year so that Daddy’s Abs can make the most of his measly 15 days. I super keen to get into camping. Still working on Daddy though.

Also I have big plans for finally getting fit. I’m still the size of a whale and I can no longer say I’ve just had a baby! So I’m going to get back onto the road more regularly and lose this weight!!

The ginger goes into his second year at a “seahorse’ into Grade 00. Its hard to believe that the year after that he’s in ‘big’ school.

Kat will stay at home with Busi and will go to a little crèche in about April and will hopefully get offered a spot as a ‘Turtle’at school with Daniel the following year. Will be nice to have both kids at one school.

So to sum it up:  It’s been a year of learning, new beginnings, building new friendships and finally binning the hurtful and toxic ones. I am very positive for a great 2016!  I think it’s going to be a great year for the Abdo’s

So without further ado on this Christmas eve…… A very merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. May this be a really blessed time with Family and friends and may the coming year be filled with all you hoped and dreamed off.

Christmas

Mommy Abs

xx

Me spinning in circles

Be kind

I REALLY should be working…..I really should…….There is just so much going on at the moment that I’m feeling a little lost. I’m not in a really good space but also not in any position to change it……

It’s a whole host of things but most of it stems from my weight….which if I’m honest has always been a problem, except for when I ran comrades (NOTE: Was exercising) I’m as fat as ten pigs (yes yes so I’m still a 34…well parts of me) but for me I’m carrying 10kgs extra and I am not getting to the gym or any form of exercise for that fact. I’m working LONG hours and as a result the last thing I feel like after getting to bed post-midnight is exercising. Go during the day you may say, you work for yourself…. Can’t do that cos my day is already, halved due to Ginger being home, hence me having to work late hours…tis a vicious circle really.

And I tried banting for a good 3 weeks. Some will say that I didn’t give it a good go but believe you me I tried. Not a piece of fruit touched my lips, let alone any yoghurt and I lost barely anything. Plus I FELT AWFUL. So I’m back to just watching my eating. But that doesn’t help. I don’t have the time to sit and weigh portions or put together meal plans on only 3 hours sleep.

And then there’s coming to terms with the fact that I no longer have my sh”£!t together. I always had it together. Now I have an endless list of things that need to be done and that I NEVER get to. I’m now that mom that is  always doing things for Daniel and school on the last day its due. I hardly ever make my husband lunch and there are days when I get to 5pm and haven’t even thought about supper! I used to be a once a month shopper and now I am permanently at the shops and it irritates the living hell out of me, but I inevitably forget something everytime I go…..

Basically I seem to be spinning in circles and not going anywhere fast.

I feel so stretched thin where everyone just wants a piece of me and I just always come last in everything….. and to be quite honest there are days where I just wish I could book into a hotel or spa for 24hrs ,switch off my phone and not say a word to anyone!!!

Not really wanting a pity party, just kinda of figured regurgitating my thoughts here would maybe make a little sense out of it all.

Started  the week with great intentions. Was going to GO TO GYM…..its now Tuesday…still hasnt happened….
I am let to believe it’s a phase in ones life and this too shall pass…..

The Kids

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I’m not really sure where to begin. It’s been one helluva year as far as they’re concerned. Two is just more hectic than one. Although the helluva hectic part is not really the Kat’s fault, but more largely due to her brother. To say that we are going through hell on earth with the Ginger at the moment doesn’t really come close to it! And to say that he is giving us a run for our money also doesn’t even come close to describing it!

I am led to believe that 4 is a very big year for a four year old and as a result it has been a very ‘Big Time‘ for us.
The Ginger is not sleeping and this led to some concerns over why and why the tears at school and why the massive separation anxiety. Having the ‘luxury’ of working from home, meant that the very obvious choice was for us to pull him out of aftercare and bring him home to spend the afternoon here.

This brings with it many challenges as he is totally not capable of spending time alone or without a constant sounding board or playmate. It didn’t help that for close on two years we were in rentals and didn’t have a safe playing area for him and so he was under constant supervision. Now that we have our own enclosed garden you would think he’d love the freedom of playing, but no its far easier to be with mom….. I know I should be flattered!
So it’s been challenging trying to get work done in the afternoons.

The sleeping or lack thereof…..who the blimming hell knows!?!?! Every now and then I try to figure it out but really we have no idea why he is not sleeping. We have cut his TV time, we have changed his diet, We have talked lovingly and no raised voices….you name it! One thing we did do that has improved the amount of waking’s to only 2 per night and definitely not as much hysterical crying is that we have left the bathroom light on and his door open.

About two weeks ago he begged to fall asleep in our bed and then we’d transfer him when we went to bed…. He asked me to put our walk in closet light on and leave the door open. So I left it ajar. When we went to fetch him the door was wide open and he was lights out. So I said to Daddy Abs let’s leave his door open and leave the bathroom light on. He has had a night light from small but it’s obviously dim and not enough light and it’s been like chalk and cheese! All I can say I long may it last….its been hell!!!

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The Kat. She just gets on with it! She is busy cutting teeth and in fact slept through a couple nights whilst cutting her top 3! So yah she just keeps on amazing me with how chilled she is and I keep on expecting it to fall apart! She changes daily and in the past few weeks has learnt to clap her hands and also waves goodbye to everyone. It’s adorable. She’s also learnt to shout at her brother when he irritates her. She is desperately trying to crawl but can’t get over her rolls in the thighs. She’ll get there though.

She is all smiles and melts your heart……oh and has daddy totally wrapped around her baby finger.

Even though it’s been a stormy few months I’m just so completely blessed to have these two little people to call mine. And as tough as it is to work from home form the interruptions perspective, I am just loving being around to watch them grow. They are sprouting like weeds before my eyes and even though I’m exhausted and there are days I want to run away, I wouldn’t change this journey for anything!

31 things

*its a long one beware and there will be moaning, bitching but then I guess that’s the beauty of it being my space – Reminds me of the lyrics: it’s my party…… 😉 *

To do list

The title is one of my first posts I wrote in my head about 5 weeks ago! Since then I’ve written about another dozen in my head so I guess It’s pretty apt as there is so much that has happened, so much to talk to, so many thoughts to offload…. Although 31 things doesn’t really come close…. More like 61!!

Adjusting to my new life.I won’t lie I’m taking some serious getting used to this working from home thing. Don’t get me wrong it’s still the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but if I had to look at the past two months objectively and I was the boss, which I am, I’d have fired me long ago!!! My business takes last place. After, family, maid, house and the list goes on. And that’s seriously wrong. I should be ploughing serious hours into this business and instead I’m spinning around doing all other cr@p that’s not ‘expected’ of me yet just ends on my plate. Every Monday though I regroup and start over and try again… I fail….. but at least in trying. I’m doing surprisingly well considering the effort being put in and have signed 3 clients this month. God has been so good to me.

Mothers guilt. I thought It would be different being at home with Kat but it’s just morphed into different forms but it’s still there. Just proves that us women and mothers are SO good at feeling guilty for just living! My latest guilt is the fact that I have to stop breastfeeding. The Kat,post my Cape Town trip, has just point blank refused to feed. I’ve had a few successes but she’s on the whole just not interested anymore. I’m mostly sad and very heart sore but also feel guilty that I went to Cape Town (I frikking know right?!?) And then there’s the ginger. He’s sleeping really badly AGAIN and I permanently feel it’s my fault for not spending enough quality time as I’m always running myself raggard with 1001 things and short with him. So of course it’s my fault right?!??

On running myself raggard.I seems to be in a permanent spin and the list never seems to get smaller. And every so often I will get an older lady ie not my generation tell me that I’m soooooo lucky to have a husband who’s hands on with the kids. And I read a blog post the other day which really summed it up for me. I am lucky because there are many husbands that don’t help. BUT that doesn’t mean I should have to accept always coming last out of the 4 of us or having to perform 40 tasks for every one someone else in the house does. Or as a women do I? Your thoughts?

Cape Town- 2.5 days 2 nights. 4 wine estate, waterfront, night out. 2 best friends and NO children. 

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That pretty much sums it up. Heaven doesn’t come close to describing how frikking amazing the time was. It made me realise just how neglected I’ve felt and how much I’ve lost touch with myself. I laughed so much my belly hurt, I lived on a staple diet of cheese, red wine, champagne and ice cream. It was just amazing and made me treasure the two special friends I went with. I’ve only known them just over a year and they truly have supported me through a tough year. Those type of people you hang into. Most of all there is just no cr@p with them, which is really hard to find, especially with females ( we’re a special species 😉

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Weekends away and conditions for travel. 

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We were away again this weekend. It the second and last of our two annual weekend away. We we’re at Castleburn. It’s our first time and it’s really lovely. I packed totally incorrectly for us as it was quite warm even tho the max temp was only supposed to be 22 deg. It must be really beautiful in summer and has a lovely pool which the kids could make use of. There are also great activities for the kids, trampoline, tennis courts, paddle boats, jungle gym etc. My first impression is that we’ll be back.

BUT and there is a very big but. There will be conditions for travel going forward. I will no longer be trying to pack this family of four myself and then driving like a banshee to fetch daddy Abs from work and then arriving in the cold and dark with two kids who have slept and hour already and then have to settle in an unfamiliar environment. It’s not a great start for every weekend for me. I arrived stressed and raggard and just not conducive for good family time and I’m done doing it. I’ve been doing this for 4 years and the conditions for travel will be that we rather go away less but definitely not after work. It just don’t work!!

(Oh and on an aside and totally random……. I  was sitting outside on the Saturday and saw a hearse pull up and escort a dead body out a unit from across the road. What the hell. Not often you see that whilst on holiday!!!

The Kat.

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Every day I fall more and more in love with her. She’s a smart cookie this one. Very expressive with her hand (secretly I hope she’ll play the piano like her momma ) and she communicates so well when she wants to tell you something. She is a beautiful 9kgs with thighs and cellulite to die for. The kind you jsut wanna sink your teeth into. I’m truly very blessed that I’m able to watch her sprout before my eyes, even if it makes me a little heartsore in the process.

The Ginger.

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We’ve just done his 9/10/11th bout , sorry i lose track, of Tonsillitis. This was a particularly bad round with temps hitting 41 degrees and battling to break them. We have an appointment with Dr Desmarais at the end of the month as I think it’s time we get them out. Not looking forward to it and have some serious fears about it , thanks to my best friend who has scared the kak out of me (her little one had a really bad experience) So yah I’m hoping Desmarais will be able to alleviate some of my fears. Other than that he’s a real sweetheart and coming up with the most precious things. He turns four next week can you believe it and we’re having a little party at home for him. It’s a dinosaur theme. Really need to get my A into G and get cracking on  the decor. (ADD TO LIST OF 31 THINGS)

And here we are Spring is here, can you believe its September!!! I have my diet on and starting to shed my scaly and pale skin. * note to self , get legs into sun, you can no longer live at the coast and be THIS pale, not a great advert for coastal living * And that’s pretty much me in a not so concise short nutshell.

And the way its going….until next month take care. 🙂

365 days of different



Today marked a year since our lives changed forever…and it sends chills down my spine as I remember driving down to the hospital 13 weeks pregnant with the Kat and praying ‘lord please let him live, please let him live’ 

And God answered that prayer…..

We aren’t the same though and our family dynamic is not what it used to be. A family member having a stroke will do that to you. Our get togethers aren’t as loud with the presence of my larger than life dad telling stories, with his face alight and his hearty laughs…. Instead he’s now the one who sits and observes, mute.

He’s slowing down tremendously and who knows how long he’ll be with us. My older brother left today to go back home to Toronto. Very hard for him, knowing that more than likely he won’t see his dad alive again….. Emigration hurts no matter reasons you do it for! 

And I lie in bed awake….A lot…mostly after the 3am feed where I’ve had a few hours, just enough to recharge me. And I think of how I’ll tell my son about heaven and  where his ‘bugga’ has gone to. And I think of his funeral and how we will portray what an amazing man he was. Because let’s face it any funeral you go to people will tell what an amazing person the deceased was but people that have met and have known my dad just don’t know how blessed they were because he was…. Is such an incredible person. 

I don’t think we’ll ever know Gods reason or timing for this but we have learnt over the last year:

  • To treasure the little things and small victories 
  • To LOVE and I mean with all your heart the ones close to you
  • That the human spirit will ALWAYS hope even in the face of adversity

But we will never be the same and shoeh there are some days that I so wish it hadn’t ended this way as I had so much I still wanted to do with my dad…. I just treasure that I still get the chance everyday to say what I need to say and whisper ‘ I love you’ and THAT I take as a gift….. I’m given the chance everyday to treasure the time I have left with him. 

A day to forget

So I’ve been running a bit, which is so good for me. It makes me less hyped up and a nicer person….well at least most of the time. Today has however been a bad day…. It’s been a day of the crazies where my demons have chased me and pretty much just been one of those days where I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed (not a luxury one is afforded when you have two kids )

It’s been a day of self loathing for not being good enough that I’m jobless at the end of this month and that I run the risk of putting my family’s well being at risk if this business of mine fails…..it’s hard not to take it personally when a company decides they don’t need you.

It’s been a day where I’ve questioned friendships and not being good enough. And questioned why I never seem to make the cut….over and over, but I’m always good for it when it suits.

It’s been a day of questioning my parenting of my ginger. Am I too hard, and how much baggage am I leaving him with by the way I parent him? As I always seems to be making excuses for the way I parent him.

It’s a day where I have HATED my body, every lump and bump and every gram of the 5kgs I’m still carrying and yet feeling really flat about the journey I still have to travel to get it off…. It’s a day where I’ve wished I was a boy, bless my dear (skinny) husband who just doesn’t realised how awesome it is to be A boy with no self loathing cares in the world….. Cares I know I’m doomed to pass onto my Darling daughter without ever trying. That’s the crappiness of this world that places so much pressure on looking skinny and beautiful. I know I have had two children and still breastfeeding one but I can’t seem to embrace my saddle bags and muffin top even though I ‘apparently’ look amazing for someone who had a baby 5 months ago!

It’s lastly it’s been a day of horrible heartache as I watch my precious daddy drool more and more due to the paralysis in his face and watch his weak legs wobble as he tries to stand. It hurts like hell when I say prayers with my ginger and we end off with ‘ and a special prayer for bugger’ a prayer we have prayed now for a year and it makes me sick as I still don’t know how you explain heaven to a little person…..so whilst my head knows I don’t want my dad to live like this my heart screams with very fibre of my being IM NOT READY.

So yah it’s been a shit day! So I’m in bed it 8pm and it’s lights out for me. It’s the only way I know how. Pray, sleep, regroup and start over tomorrow. And again I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes from the movie castaway with Tom hanks

‘ I have to keep breathing…For tomorrow the sun with rise, who knows what the tide could bring’

Shut up and be grateful

This weekend was amazing!! I weeded my entire garden and as a result feel as tho my hamstrings may snap off from either my knees or my butt but I weeded!! It’s significant because it means I spent the entire day pottering around our home and not achieving much…. And it rocked!!!

It’s what we’ve yearned for, for so long, to just be able to spend time in our own place as a family….

Saturday evening we went to La Piazza. It’s a local Italian place that is literally on our doorstep. It’s ridiculously overpriced and really the pizzas ( which is the only thing we stick to after many disappointing meals there) are average…. You ask then why on earth do we go? Well it’s simple LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION. It’s close to home which means daddy Abs can have a beer or two and me some wine and we can walk home and don’t have to get behind the wheel. Also it had a cool jungle gym and play area for the ginger. So yah dropped a small fortune there but the best part was we were home early and in bed early…. Good thing as the kids pulled a pearler tag team effort on Saturday night. So we employed the divide and conquer. Daddy Abs ended up in the Gingers room (the two single beds have proven quite useful lately) and Kat and I wrestled until 4:30 when I fed her and then gave up trying to doze.
So I put her in front on her bears and she had a chat with them for an hour.

She’s super cute at the moment. Still as chilled as ever but also finding her voice and realising that he who shouts the loudest…… She is NOT happy on her back at the moment and just loves to sit. Unfortunately the tummy muscles need a little more work so we prop her up with pillows and she spends a good deal of time in the downward Kat position (see below 🙂

Daniel continues to grow and remain strong willed …..strong being the operative word! As infuriating as this age is , it is also so rewarding and the stuff that comes out of his mouth is just priceless!

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Sunday was a special day as we celebrated my mom’s 70th. We just had a family lunch at home which my sister catered. It was really beautifully done. My aunt (mom’s sister) who also shares the same birthday 3 years apart was up for the week and it was so lovely to see mom so alive. I think it was just so nice for her to be out and about and “live” a little again. It’s been a tough year for us all , with mom taking the brunt of it.

The weekend was so good for me. It was a time for reflection….. I sorted a lot of thoughts out in my head. Which I mostly do when I run (which is not happening at the moment). I had a chat with a friend the other day who said to me in conversation : oh well when things settle down for you….. and I was hurt by it and angry, in a kind of defensive way….sort of because I felt we ddidn’tfit the bill….. But then I realised not only was she RIGHT but this IS our life. Our life IS hectic and its NOT going to change and you know what. I like our new life. I love my little family the chaotic way it is. Just made me realise again (this happens periodically) that we have spent so much time making friends since we moved here and that its time we actually concentrated on us as a family ,because in the end of the day ,friends change their views and grow their own ways and a change to family dynamic will not always fit in with their plans unless you’re going through the same phase at the same time. The one constant thought is your family and on that you can always rely. I’m still trying to box my friendship with my best friend of ten years and how it all went south. And there have been many moments when I’ve thought of picking up the phone, but its not out of stubbornness that I haven’t, its more out of where the hell does one start? And then I also realise that my friendship couldn’t have meant much. I didn’t even get an sms when my little girl of 4mths had pneumonia in hospital – I really do need to come to terms with the fact that she doesn’t care….it’s hard though.

With some me time came the opportunity to login into feedly and read all the many blogs I follow. And wow have I missed outa lot. I also got to the read the 1001 and web pages Id opened and never gotten round to reading. I read some really heart wrenching stuff, and stuff that made me really sad , but the saddest was of a couple that decided not to abort their Trisomy 13 child and rather carry him to term, knowing he wouldn’t survive many days….. They spent 5 days with him and documented those days. On the 5th Day they both fell asleep next to him only to wake and he was gone. I was beside myself!!! And I know I always say its relative and that your battles and trial you are going through , you are also entitles to moan and complain about. BUT HOLY CRAP, can you imagine that! And it made me catch a wake up! Its been a tough 12 months, yes, it’s also been a really challenging 2015 so far, yes, BUT it’s time to stop bloody complaining it’s time to SHUT UP and be GRATEFUL, no matter how big or small.

So on that note I’m going to start #shutupandbegrateful posts. Basically its going to be similar to my #100happydays I did last year but it will be something I’m grateful for every day. And it starts today. I’m going to post them on Instagram. Mainly cos it’s the easiest from my phone because I take most of my photos on my Iphone.

So here goes and this is an obvious one:

#1 I’m Super grateful for my healthy gorgeous family

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#1: Sunday morning selfie – #shutupandbegrateful