The Kids

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I’m not really sure where to begin. It’s been one helluva year as far as they’re concerned. Two is just more hectic than one. Although the helluva hectic part is not really the Kat’s fault, but more largely due to her brother. To say that we are going through hell on earth with the Ginger at the moment doesn’t really come close to it! And to say that he is giving us a run for our money also doesn’t even come close to describing it!

I am led to believe that 4 is a very big year for a four year old and as a result it has been a very ‘Big Time‘ for us.
The Ginger is not sleeping and this led to some concerns over why and why the tears at school and why the massive separation anxiety. Having the ‘luxury’ of working from home, meant that the very obvious choice was for us to pull him out of aftercare and bring him home to spend the afternoon here.

This brings with it many challenges as he is totally not capable of spending time alone or without a constant sounding board or playmate. It didn’t help that for close on two years we were in rentals and didn’t have a safe playing area for him and so he was under constant supervision. Now that we have our own enclosed garden you would think he’d love the freedom of playing, but no its far easier to be with mom….. I know I should be flattered!
So it’s been challenging trying to get work done in the afternoons.

The sleeping or lack thereof…..who the blimming hell knows!?!?! Every now and then I try to figure it out but really we have no idea why he is not sleeping. We have cut his TV time, we have changed his diet, We have talked lovingly and no raised voices….you name it! One thing we did do that has improved the amount of waking’s to only 2 per night and definitely not as much hysterical crying is that we have left the bathroom light on and his door open.

About two weeks ago he begged to fall asleep in our bed and then we’d transfer him when we went to bed…. He asked me to put our walk in closet light on and leave the door open. So I left it ajar. When we went to fetch him the door was wide open and he was lights out. So I said to Daddy Abs let’s leave his door open and leave the bathroom light on. He has had a night light from small but it’s obviously dim and not enough light and it’s been like chalk and cheese! All I can say I long may it last….its been hell!!!

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The Kat. She just gets on with it! She is busy cutting teeth and in fact slept through a couple nights whilst cutting her top 3! So yah she just keeps on amazing me with how chilled she is and I keep on expecting it to fall apart! She changes daily and in the past few weeks has learnt to clap her hands and also waves goodbye to everyone. It’s adorable. She’s also learnt to shout at her brother when he irritates her. She is desperately trying to crawl but can’t get over her rolls in the thighs. She’ll get there though.

She is all smiles and melts your heart……oh and has daddy totally wrapped around her baby finger.

Even though it’s been a stormy few months I’m just so completely blessed to have these two little people to call mine. And as tough as it is to work from home form the interruptions perspective, I am just loving being around to watch them grow. They are sprouting like weeds before my eyes and even though I’m exhausted and there are days I want to run away, I wouldn’t change this journey for anything!

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The Tonsillectomy

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The procedure was performed at the KZN day clinic in Umhlanga. What a beautiful facility and the nursing staff were incredible.

Dr Desmarais was his usual amazing self with the ginger and his anesthetist was equally as good.

The wait was a long one as they surprisingly didn’t take the patients in age order, Daniel actually being the youngest.

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We walked into theatre and they lay him down. He was fine until the gas started to kick and then He fought!! As only my ginger could. Dr said he wouldn’t remember it but he did and recalled them holding him down when we were in the lift going home. That’s my boy!!!

The procedure was not particularly long,even though they did both adenoids and tonsils. When he came around he was his usual disorientated self ( we do this every night) he was cold and said : ‘ it tickles’ a lot. Then he eventually calmed as I lay down next to him and fell asleep. When he woke up he ate a packet of nicknaks and drank coke!!! Apparently it’s really good for the scabs. I was horrified but did it.

Then after a really long wait they sent us on our way. That afternoon the pooh hit the fan. He started screaming and complaining that first his fingers were sore then his back and he was wanting me to hit him in the back. I could only think it was cramping. I called Dr and he said in his 40 odd years he’d never heard of this…. And said that kids often don’t know how to explain a pain in the neck and throat area so they feel pain elsewhere. Makes sense. However over the next few days we were able to pinpoint the cramping and associated screaming was related to the panamor suppositories. So won’t be using those again!!!

So we went back to the good old regime of neurofen and panado to treat his pain.

It was a very long week with Dan sleeping in my bed with me and daddy Abs relegated to the spareroom. But eventually toward the middle of the second week the ginger turned the corner and was back to his old self.

Would I recommend it now that I’ve forgotten the pain of the two weeks? He’ll yes. I am glad however that we did wait till he was older. It is a lot easier because he was able to really communicate what he was feeling.

31 things

*its a long one beware and there will be moaning, bitching but then I guess that’s the beauty of it being my space – Reminds me of the lyrics: it’s my party…… 😉 *

To do list

The title is one of my first posts I wrote in my head about 5 weeks ago! Since then I’ve written about another dozen in my head so I guess It’s pretty apt as there is so much that has happened, so much to talk to, so many thoughts to offload…. Although 31 things doesn’t really come close…. More like 61!!

Adjusting to my new life.I won’t lie I’m taking some serious getting used to this working from home thing. Don’t get me wrong it’s still the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but if I had to look at the past two months objectively and I was the boss, which I am, I’d have fired me long ago!!! My business takes last place. After, family, maid, house and the list goes on. And that’s seriously wrong. I should be ploughing serious hours into this business and instead I’m spinning around doing all other cr@p that’s not ‘expected’ of me yet just ends on my plate. Every Monday though I regroup and start over and try again… I fail….. but at least in trying. I’m doing surprisingly well considering the effort being put in and have signed 3 clients this month. God has been so good to me.

Mothers guilt. I thought It would be different being at home with Kat but it’s just morphed into different forms but it’s still there. Just proves that us women and mothers are SO good at feeling guilty for just living! My latest guilt is the fact that I have to stop breastfeeding. The Kat,post my Cape Town trip, has just point blank refused to feed. I’ve had a few successes but she’s on the whole just not interested anymore. I’m mostly sad and very heart sore but also feel guilty that I went to Cape Town (I frikking know right?!?) And then there’s the ginger. He’s sleeping really badly AGAIN and I permanently feel it’s my fault for not spending enough quality time as I’m always running myself raggard with 1001 things and short with him. So of course it’s my fault right?!??

On running myself raggard.I seems to be in a permanent spin and the list never seems to get smaller. And every so often I will get an older lady ie not my generation tell me that I’m soooooo lucky to have a husband who’s hands on with the kids. And I read a blog post the other day which really summed it up for me. I am lucky because there are many husbands that don’t help. BUT that doesn’t mean I should have to accept always coming last out of the 4 of us or having to perform 40 tasks for every one someone else in the house does. Or as a women do I? Your thoughts?

Cape Town- 2.5 days 2 nights. 4 wine estate, waterfront, night out. 2 best friends and NO children. 

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That pretty much sums it up. Heaven doesn’t come close to describing how frikking amazing the time was. It made me realise just how neglected I’ve felt and how much I’ve lost touch with myself. I laughed so much my belly hurt, I lived on a staple diet of cheese, red wine, champagne and ice cream. It was just amazing and made me treasure the two special friends I went with. I’ve only known them just over a year and they truly have supported me through a tough year. Those type of people you hang into. Most of all there is just no cr@p with them, which is really hard to find, especially with females ( we’re a special species 😉

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Weekends away and conditions for travel. 

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We were away again this weekend. It the second and last of our two annual weekend away. We we’re at Castleburn. It’s our first time and it’s really lovely. I packed totally incorrectly for us as it was quite warm even tho the max temp was only supposed to be 22 deg. It must be really beautiful in summer and has a lovely pool which the kids could make use of. There are also great activities for the kids, trampoline, tennis courts, paddle boats, jungle gym etc. My first impression is that we’ll be back.

BUT and there is a very big but. There will be conditions for travel going forward. I will no longer be trying to pack this family of four myself and then driving like a banshee to fetch daddy Abs from work and then arriving in the cold and dark with two kids who have slept and hour already and then have to settle in an unfamiliar environment. It’s not a great start for every weekend for me. I arrived stressed and raggard and just not conducive for good family time and I’m done doing it. I’ve been doing this for 4 years and the conditions for travel will be that we rather go away less but definitely not after work. It just don’t work!!

(Oh and on an aside and totally random……. I  was sitting outside on the Saturday and saw a hearse pull up and escort a dead body out a unit from across the road. What the hell. Not often you see that whilst on holiday!!!

The Kat.

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Every day I fall more and more in love with her. She’s a smart cookie this one. Very expressive with her hand (secretly I hope she’ll play the piano like her momma ) and she communicates so well when she wants to tell you something. She is a beautiful 9kgs with thighs and cellulite to die for. The kind you jsut wanna sink your teeth into. I’m truly very blessed that I’m able to watch her sprout before my eyes, even if it makes me a little heartsore in the process.

The Ginger.

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We’ve just done his 9/10/11th bout , sorry i lose track, of Tonsillitis. This was a particularly bad round with temps hitting 41 degrees and battling to break them. We have an appointment with Dr Desmarais at the end of the month as I think it’s time we get them out. Not looking forward to it and have some serious fears about it , thanks to my best friend who has scared the kak out of me (her little one had a really bad experience) So yah I’m hoping Desmarais will be able to alleviate some of my fears. Other than that he’s a real sweetheart and coming up with the most precious things. He turns four next week can you believe it and we’re having a little party at home for him. It’s a dinosaur theme. Really need to get my A into G and get cracking on  the decor. (ADD TO LIST OF 31 THINGS)

And here we are Spring is here, can you believe its September!!! I have my diet on and starting to shed my scaly and pale skin. * note to self , get legs into sun, you can no longer live at the coast and be THIS pale, not a great advert for coastal living * And that’s pretty much me in a not so concise short nutshell.

And the way its going….until next month take care. 🙂

Week two in 200 

Ok so here’s an update in about 200 words….more because I don’t really have capacity for more J

I have worked intense hours trying to get setup but I think I’m just about there and next week can really start canvassing for business!!

Two weeks into my new business Marketing Works and here are a few thoughts.

  1. I love it!
  2. Working from home has its advantages (if you could see my dress code you’d understandJ
  3. My brain has never swum with more information overload ever!!!!
  4. I feel more accomplished and inadequate all merged into one large bundle than I have ever felt before
  5. I feel empowered
  6. I am scared absolutely beyond belief and flit between being so pumped and so scared of failure every 30 seconds
  7. I have read and upskilled myself and tingle with all the knowledge and information I have gained in the past two weeks
  8. I am more passionate about marketing than I have been in the past 5 years
  9. I am seeing my baby girl sprout before my eyes BUT the difference is I’m around to see it
  10. I baked cupcakes with my little guy for baker baker yesterday and it rocked!
  11. I’m more focused and determined than ever before
  12. I’ve lost 2kgs because I’ve been able to get to the gym and focus on me for a change
  13. I’m able to click post to this blog post and then go lie on the carpet for 20 min and play with the Kat before I go fetch the ginger
  14. This has been the best thing to ever happen to me

And……tonight I have date night hubby….for the first time in ages.

LIFE IS GOOD!

So have an awesome weekend everyone.

 



Baker baker



a quick visit at the ‘office’ 😉



When it’s stormy….all around

I have been writing this post in my head for weeks now….but as the chaos around us has continued the post has grown in my head and the likelihood of it getting it on ‘paper’ even further removed…. Then I read a new blog post by pinkcandiapple and then I just considered deleting the whole bloody thing! It did put my troubles into perspective and also yet again makes me realist than when you are riding the storm it just seems so much worse than when you’re sitting on the outskirts watching it in the distance….

I’m happy to say (although I’m scared to jinx it) that we may be on our way of the storm…. For now at least and hopefully it’ll stay that way!!!

So let’s rewind 3 weeks…. And I promise not to waffle, more because I don’t have the energy but also no one really want to hear about someone else’s kak…. But nevertheless it’s our chaotic story so it needs to be told if no other reason than continuity!

So rewind with me wont you…..

The Kat is finally discharged from hospital, we survive the full week back at work and sadly Daddy Abs’s folks leave to go back home on the Saturday. It was so divine that week to come home to a smiley baby who had slept and eaten well and I knew was looked after the way I would’ve…… I’m still working on the inlaws retiring in Durban!!  🙂

Then Tuesday early hours of the morning I happen to check my phone after a feed  to see an SMS from my good friend to tell me her little one (Daniels girlfriend) is in hospital!!!!!  I don’t sleep for the rest of the night! By Thursday they have diagnosed it as H1N1 aka swine flu and Daniel is running a temp and dad is sick as a dog and both are at home. I didn’t think he had swine flu but he was definitely fighting something and daddy Abs was also really not well. I had to work of course having been off the week before, and I was also petrified that Kat was going to get it…… That weekend was not pretty….

It becomes really apparent really quickly that we need full time help at home and so I begin the search for a full time nanny. Enter Nanny #2 ( remember first nanny was fired for falling asleep with Kat on her lap and nearly dropping her…all of this 4 days before I was due to go back to work!!!!)

Nanny 2 seems lovely until day 3 when I realise she cannot follow instructions at all. It was fine until I realised she was washing 5 bundles of washing a day and I told her not to ( so she HAND washed them—- cos that’s different right???) the final straw was when she polished half a kg of biltong off in the week she worked for us, that was after destroying a beautiful piece of meat for our dinner by turning it into inedible biltong…..

Nanny 3 started this week and she too seems lovely. I have been really hard with her and I think the poor girl is scared of me but she’s an incredibly hard worker and seems switched on. I really hope she works out and I’m taking it really slow with her. I’m not letting fetch the ginger from school yet or cook for us. I want to know that the time I’m investing in her is worth it.

So fingers crossed….I really hope she’ll be the one to become part of our family.

On top of the past three weeks  we’ve had the builders back in the house ‘fixing’ snags. I say ‘fixing’ because some of the snags are actually worse now. My builder who built our house is working on a big project so he sent his apprentice up who basically botched everything and so he’s back in the flesh next week to fix everything. The big work and hopefully the dust is over and hopefully in another week or so we can return to normal.

I really hope so cos we have Kats baptism in three weeks and having about 40 people over so the house needs to look spic and span.

I’ve been having a few tough weeks emotionally as well. Looks it’s not been an easy few weeks. Daddy Abs is working his A off and as a result I’m single parenting a bit again. I seem to have found my mojo on that front though and Kat being a little older is making it easier. I’m battling though with how quickly they are growing and how much I’m missing out. I saw the ginger swim on his own for the first time last week….via video from a mom who got to witness it first-hand. VIA VIDEO!!! It’s ok to say: Oh the first time I see it in person will my first time because it doesn’t cut it. It’s really becoming apparent that I need to find something to do on my own…..but what and how do I place my family under more financial strain to start a business…..all things going through my tiny little head.

 

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Also I WANT to be there for every little thing and I don’t expect people to get that I want to be there for EVERYTHING. For example Kat started solids two weeks ago and we started on rice cereal so over the weekend I started Butternut. Today I had to give creche sweet potato to try her on because I don’t want to try something at night for the first time. So I missed out on her face when she tries a new food for the first time. And it hurts….sounds stupid I know….but hurts nevertheless.

But you know what God never once says be afraid I’m not going to handle this for you. Instead he promise to hold our hands and I do believe that there are only good things ahead for us.

You have to just look at my two beautiful children to know this is true.

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Dark spaces and happy days…a catch up

It’s 5:54am and I’m awake….have been since 4:30 when I fed Kat, who then decided it was far more fun to stay awake. She’s now asleep in the swing of course and I have to be up in 6min as I’m singing in church this morning for the Easter service so that my sleep done! 

Got love kids and we choose to do this?!? The above picture is why… Because we watch them when they sleep and marvel at how perfect they are even when they’ve woken us at 4:30am.

So let’s catch up quickly before I have to get ready. 

 

We’re in the house! At long last the dream of close on two years materialised and we got the keys to our beautiful home on the 21st march. We moved on the Saturday and won’t lie it’s been chaos and was by far the hardest moves I have ever done and trust me I’ve moved 13 times in 10 years so I know what I’m talking about. There is still so much dust and dirt and everything is just harder with two small kids. Also doesn’t help that daddy Abs is still working his butt off at work an therefore not able to assist and at night too tired to help so basically I’ve had to do it on my own. 

The ginger has finally adjusted and seems to be far more settled now finally as we’ve been pulled through the ringer with him! He was just playing up and it’s so nice to see him mostly back to the sweet little boy we once knew. Biggest problem for me was the regression in his potty training. He started to poo in his pants and everyone said don’t make a big scene about it but after three months I just felt that everyone else’s advice was not working for us as I really felt he knew what was going on. So we were on our third change of undies one day and I was doing something in the kitchen when I heard: ‘oh no, the poos coming out.’ All nonchalantly as if it was ok. Well I smacked him on the bum, marched him off to the loo and said to him this is how it’s gonna be going forward. You poo in your pants and you will get smacked, you will also be punished and have no treats. Do you understand? He didn’t even cry and said yes he understood and since then we’ve had no accidents. It just shows you all the books and google in the world can’t prepare you for parenthood and you HAVE to go with your gut because EVERY child is different. 

What would my life be if there wasn’t a little drama 4 days before I go back to work??? Well we had a little nanny saga. So two months ago I started having a wobbly about Kat being so young when I go back to work (3.5mths, her brother was 5 and there is a big difference!) so I started to consider that maybe I could use some full time help at home and also keep Kat at home for the first year. So in went thru and agency and found a nanny. She started at the beginning of March  and at first seemed really amazing. But then I started realising she really didn’t know what she was doing. I’m very emotional about going back to work and so I said to daddy Abs I wasn’t making an rash decisions and would see how it went during my first month back. That was expedited when I walked into the nursery three days ago and found her asleep in the rocking chair. The problem was not that she had dozed off but that my precious daughter was perched on a pillow on her lap and was not supported and could’ve rolled off. I know she would’ve said how sorry she was and that it would’ve happen again but I knew in my heart of hearts she wasn’t qualified for the job and that I wouldn’t be able to go to work on Tuesday confident that Kat was safe. So I went to Daniels old crèche and by the grace if God Kat’s place was still available and she starts on my first day. Need to now get my head around packing school bags etc for two, going to be interesting times .

 Daddy Abs and I had a long hard chat a few nights ago and really going to have to hit the routine hard during the week. It’s the only was we will survive. I for one am looking forward to it as I thrive on routine and is how I am most effective and achieved most things in my life…. Daddy Abs acknowledges it’s the only ways we’ll for everything in however it doesn’t come naturally to him so we’ll see 🙂

 So tomorrow is Easter Sunday a very momentum day for us Christians. Going to be an interesting one as the ginger is still to young to really grasp the full concept of the crucifixion but yet we still don’t want it to be all the about the bunny.

 This also marks for me a really sad time as I will be going back to work in two days. My maternity leave didn’t work out at all how I planned it would. Katherine has grown like a weed right before my eyes yet I’ve been doing everything but watching her grow up and I’d be lying if I wasn’t bitterly disappointed about that. But i won’t harp on that  here as I’ve written a really crappy, dark, bitter and twisted post on it, which I’m still contemplating posting 🙂

My dad is regressing yet still has good days… What an oxymoron. I still remain true to the wish that I do not want him to feel anymore pain and that he would just fall asleep and not wake up, but with the baptism of our baby girl in June, my mom’s 70th and my brother and his family coming out one selfishly hopes he’d stick it out till then. But there will alway be another birthday, milestone or something we want him to stay for, it’s the human condition. Just when I think I’m ready for him to go I find a reason for it not to be ok. A stroke has got to be the shittest and cruelest thing to happen to someone. 

On a brighter note:

I ran to the gym today and as those beautiful endorphins kicked in I dreamt of marathons I would enter and felt so much better. 

I have been thinking of doing another #100happydays mainly because I’ve spent the past few weeks in a really bad space and I think it’s time to focus on the good of which there is lots . Right now I’m I’m in the midst of sleep deprivation and going back to work and trying to find my feet in all of this that I’m not sure I want to add to that pile. If I change my mind tho this space will be the first to know.

So that’s me in a nutshell and best I get to bed before the Kat wakes for her first feed. 

Single parenting suicide hour

I’m not sure how long I can go on like this…. I have just walked out of the gingers room, poured myself a glass of wine and I should be fist pumping and air high fiving myself yet I’m sobbing. Daddy Abs works for an agency and I get it, they work like dogs. Really I get it, when I went into labour with the ginger my husband opened his laptop to mail people before we went to the hospital!!! 


But now there are two little people in this dynamic and I just don’t know how to do it. And I’m still on maternity leave how on earth am I going to go back to work in 4 weeks and cope with doing the bedtime thing alone. 


I get that my career was over the moment I had Daniel and I don’t resent that one bit. But please tell me how I’m supposed to find a job that allows me to be home to single parent suicide hour and earn sufficient money to school said kids? 


How do I get two little people with very different needs down for the night? Because I only have one set if hands!?!? Kat is so little still and she needs a little loving and rocking and she particularly hard to get down because she is so overstimulated by the time it gets to bed because I’m always parming her off to the car seat which I’m rocking her with my foot whilst trying to feed her brother or she’s in the swing. It’s not fair to say she’s too small to understand and she’ll live, she also deserves a cuddle before she goes to bed. 


And then we are having a really tough time with the ginger at the moment. He’s pooing in pants and is presenting with really bad leg pains which we are considering seeing a paediatric orthopedic Dr for as we are watching for Legg–Calvé–Perthes Disease. He is also waking with nightmares and sobbing and is also clinging to me like never before, so clearly the little guy is fragile and needs me. I get that he’s ‘lost’ me and ends up suffering and having to lie on the couch while I put his sister to bed when in actual fact he should not be watching TV till right before bed and should be in bed an hour before I actually get him there. 

But flip like I said I only have one set of hands. And my dear friends can’t help and even when they do which is often, it’s no long term solution. I just need a solution!!!! 


Apologies for the rant. But I feel inadequate, guilty on two children’s  accounts and just plain helpless.


So excuse me while I drink my glass of wine, then dust myself off and go make supper.