Dark spaces and happy days…a catch up

It’s 5:54am and I’m awake….have been since 4:30 when I fed Kat, who then decided it was far more fun to stay awake. She’s now asleep in the swing of course and I have to be up in 6min as I’m singing in church this morning for the Easter service so that my sleep done! 

Got love kids and we choose to do this?!? The above picture is why… Because we watch them when they sleep and marvel at how perfect they are even when they’ve woken us at 4:30am.

So let’s catch up quickly before I have to get ready. 

 

We’re in the house! At long last the dream of close on two years materialised and we got the keys to our beautiful home on the 21st march. We moved on the Saturday and won’t lie it’s been chaos and was by far the hardest moves I have ever done and trust me I’ve moved 13 times in 10 years so I know what I’m talking about. There is still so much dust and dirt and everything is just harder with two small kids. Also doesn’t help that daddy Abs is still working his butt off at work an therefore not able to assist and at night too tired to help so basically I’ve had to do it on my own. 

The ginger has finally adjusted and seems to be far more settled now finally as we’ve been pulled through the ringer with him! He was just playing up and it’s so nice to see him mostly back to the sweet little boy we once knew. Biggest problem for me was the regression in his potty training. He started to poo in his pants and everyone said don’t make a big scene about it but after three months I just felt that everyone else’s advice was not working for us as I really felt he knew what was going on. So we were on our third change of undies one day and I was doing something in the kitchen when I heard: ‘oh no, the poos coming out.’ All nonchalantly as if it was ok. Well I smacked him on the bum, marched him off to the loo and said to him this is how it’s gonna be going forward. You poo in your pants and you will get smacked, you will also be punished and have no treats. Do you understand? He didn’t even cry and said yes he understood and since then we’ve had no accidents. It just shows you all the books and google in the world can’t prepare you for parenthood and you HAVE to go with your gut because EVERY child is different. 

What would my life be if there wasn’t a little drama 4 days before I go back to work??? Well we had a little nanny saga. So two months ago I started having a wobbly about Kat being so young when I go back to work (3.5mths, her brother was 5 and there is a big difference!) so I started to consider that maybe I could use some full time help at home and also keep Kat at home for the first year. So in went thru and agency and found a nanny. She started at the beginning of March  and at first seemed really amazing. But then I started realising she really didn’t know what she was doing. I’m very emotional about going back to work and so I said to daddy Abs I wasn’t making an rash decisions and would see how it went during my first month back. That was expedited when I walked into the nursery three days ago and found her asleep in the rocking chair. The problem was not that she had dozed off but that my precious daughter was perched on a pillow on her lap and was not supported and could’ve rolled off. I know she would’ve said how sorry she was and that it would’ve happen again but I knew in my heart of hearts she wasn’t qualified for the job and that I wouldn’t be able to go to work on Tuesday confident that Kat was safe. So I went to Daniels old crèche and by the grace if God Kat’s place was still available and she starts on my first day. Need to now get my head around packing school bags etc for two, going to be interesting times .

 Daddy Abs and I had a long hard chat a few nights ago and really going to have to hit the routine hard during the week. It’s the only was we will survive. I for one am looking forward to it as I thrive on routine and is how I am most effective and achieved most things in my life…. Daddy Abs acknowledges it’s the only ways we’ll for everything in however it doesn’t come naturally to him so we’ll see 🙂

 So tomorrow is Easter Sunday a very momentum day for us Christians. Going to be an interesting one as the ginger is still to young to really grasp the full concept of the crucifixion but yet we still don’t want it to be all the about the bunny.

 This also marks for me a really sad time as I will be going back to work in two days. My maternity leave didn’t work out at all how I planned it would. Katherine has grown like a weed right before my eyes yet I’ve been doing everything but watching her grow up and I’d be lying if I wasn’t bitterly disappointed about that. But i won’t harp on that  here as I’ve written a really crappy, dark, bitter and twisted post on it, which I’m still contemplating posting 🙂

My dad is regressing yet still has good days… What an oxymoron. I still remain true to the wish that I do not want him to feel anymore pain and that he would just fall asleep and not wake up, but with the baptism of our baby girl in June, my mom’s 70th and my brother and his family coming out one selfishly hopes he’d stick it out till then. But there will alway be another birthday, milestone or something we want him to stay for, it’s the human condition. Just when I think I’m ready for him to go I find a reason for it not to be ok. A stroke has got to be the shittest and cruelest thing to happen to someone. 

On a brighter note:

I ran to the gym today and as those beautiful endorphins kicked in I dreamt of marathons I would enter and felt so much better. 

I have been thinking of doing another #100happydays mainly because I’ve spent the past few weeks in a really bad space and I think it’s time to focus on the good of which there is lots . Right now I’m I’m in the midst of sleep deprivation and going back to work and trying to find my feet in all of this that I’m not sure I want to add to that pile. If I change my mind tho this space will be the first to know.

So that’s me in a nutshell and best I get to bed before the Kat wakes for her first feed. 

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#100happydays: Day 45-100

I actually finished #100happydays today….just been a little slack in getting the pics up.

Its been an amazing  journey though and quite something to look back on……

Here are the remaining pics….its a long one sorry!!

 

 

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He turned to me during supper and out of the blue said: I love you mommy…lots!! Cue: heart melt!! 45/100 #100happydays

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Early morning run with a view bound to put a skip in anybody’s step 46/100 #100happydays

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Childhood memories. I remember hurrying to get dressed for school so I could watch the 6:50am cartoon. Now 30 yrs later my little boy is watching it 47/100. #100happydays

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When times are tough and I’m having a kak day this verse helps tremendously and suddenly I’m not so sad anymore 48/100 #100happydays

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Those lips just scream kiss me! Every time I look at him I could just burst with love! 49/100 #100happydays

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Halfway through 100happydays already and looking back I truly see how much I have to be grateful for and happy about. I really am blessed! 50/100 #100happydays

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Daniel’s new sun hat sewn by moi! Turned out really well, let’s hope it fits. Love it when a DIY turns out well. Makes me super happy! 51/100 #100happydays

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Samango falls, Oribi gorge. To see my sons face when he saw water pouring out of the rock was priceless! 52/100 #100happydays

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Standing around the fire after a lovely day spent with nature. 53/100 #100happydays

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Amazement as he saw his first waterfall! Amazing to watch the world through the eyes of a child! 54/100 #100happydays

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Such a boy!! 55/100 #100happydays

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The most amazing man. My dad 56/100 #100happydays

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Good wine and good company. What a great way to end off the week 57/100 #100happydays

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Early morning on the beach. Love living back at the coast! 58/100. #100happydays

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What a stunning morning. Amazing quality time playing with my son. 59/100 #100happydays

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Besties at such a young age. 60/100 #100happydays

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I found this whilst spring cleaning from many years ago as a young girl in her 20’s and could only but smile at where I am now and how at that time I could not see thru the hurt and even imagine the possibility of what lay before me. And look at me now. 61/100. #100happydays

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A constant source of joy 62/100 #100happydays

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Cauliflower pizza base. Not a bad first attempt 63/100 #100happydays

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Music. One of the few things in this life that make me happy… Always! 64/100. #100happydays

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Best friends. It’s the sweetest thing to watch. 65/100. #100happydays

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Only Two things left on my list. Now THAT makes me super happy!! 65/100 #100happydays

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Moving to the coast was without a doubt the best thing we ever did. 66/100 #100happydays

 

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The best kind of suppers… A little bit of everything. Plus a new find: the best ribs in town!! 67/100 #100happydays

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Weeks away from starting to build our home. So excited 68/100. #100happydays

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Story time. Nothing better than a good book 69/100 #100happydays

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You know life has changed when all you can find to stick daddy’s lunch wraps closed are two of your son’s stickers!! 70/100. #100happydays

 

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Playing silly buggers with my gunny. Yes those are his undies on his head and his shorts on Gunny’s. 71/100 #100happydays

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Food. It’s good to see you again after two days with Gastro!! 72/100. #100happydays

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My boys learning on the iPad and allowing me to get a sleep in after two rough days xx 73/100. #100happydays

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Fun Bath time. Me feeling so much better and ginger in an awesome mood. Great messy fun 74/100 #100happydays

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Remnants of an amazingly fun day 75/100. #100happydays

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My two constants in all this craziness 76/100 #100happydays

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That’s me at 5pm with a book and a glass of wine!! Luxury I know!! I love grannies being close by to pick up gingers 🙂 77/100. #100happydays

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Good morning! So proud to say this is my home. 78/100 #100happydays

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My little boy gets to sit in his own seat on the for the first time. I don’t know whose more excited him or me. 79/100 #100happydays

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My Easter bunny! Man I love this boy so much my heart could burst!! 80/100 #100happydays

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Family time. Uncle, ginger and grandpa 81/100 #100happydays

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A South African braai need I say more 82/100 #100happydays

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Yummy curry! 83/100 #100happydays

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There are few things more beautiful in this life than a Lindt chocolate bunny! 84/100. #100happydays

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I finally get to convert my old show videos to dvd. Can’t wait to get started. 85/100 #100happydays

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Yes this is my crazy fish wedged upright between the plant and fish tank. Don’t judge her she has swim bladder issues! 😉 86/100 #100happydays

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Thank heavens I managed to find the coffee cups otherwise this would’ve been a rough start to moving day 87/100 #100happydays

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Moving day! Most people would be unhappy but I’m thrilled. We’re finally getting out of this kak rental and into something bigger and better. 88/100 #100happydays

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You turn your head for one second. On top of the compactum! 89/100 #100happydays

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Breathe in breathe out, don’t forget to breathe 90/100 #100happydays

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Trying times a not so gentle reminder to choose your battles…. 91/100 #100happydays

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Its raining pouring… Check out his self made brella! Oh I love the power of imagination!! 92/100 #100happydays

 

I think we’re in for some spectacular sunrises in our new temporary home 93/100 #100happydays

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Blanket of mist this morning. 94/100 #100happydays

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I love how he enjoys the small things in life. Such an amazing zest for life, can but only make one smile 95/100 #100happydays

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Made my mark for my country today. 96/100 #100happydays

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The beach in winter… bliss! Shadow selfie, just me and the ginger 97/100 #100happydays

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Nothing like a good show to lift spirits. I wanna get back on stage!!! 98/100 #100happydays

 

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Mother’s Day card from my baby boy 99/100 #100happydays

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My family. It completes me 100/100 #100happydays

#100happydays: Day 27- 44

Its been a really good two weeks filled with lots of happy moments:

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Getting my life back on track. Meal plans done for a month! 44/100

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The special piece of my heart this little person has stolen. Man I love this boy!! 43/100.

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Playing with ‘Bugga’ aka Grandpa. So special that my boy gets to grow up around family 42/100

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Art. My personal favourite, the red one which we all know is a ladybird but according to the ginger is a bumblebee!! 41/100

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Breakfast with my boys 40/100

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Impromptu date night with my man 39/100

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Birthday presents…3mths later. 38/100

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First love. Daniel and the sweet Lily. Ask Daniel who she is and he proudly answers: ‘girlfriend’ it’s beautiful to watch 37/100

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I love reality tv and I’m not afraid to say it! Rich away… Time to catch up on chick tv 🙂 36/100

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Ok so my diet is going SWELL!! But there is nothing better than soft fresh wine gums 😉 35/100

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My moms green fingers. Good think she’ll be doing our new garden, it’s bound to be spectacular!! 34/100

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Sunset beach walk on the promenade 33/100

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My son slept thru for the first time in ages! Bribery always works 😉 32/100

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That was actually daddy’s double thick chocolate milkshake! 31/100

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Chasing birds 30/100

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Such a stunning day ended off with my favorite meal! Happy tummy 29/100

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10km at under 7min/km in this hilly town….Now that’s a reason to be happy! 28/100

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A happy, hungry boy who is on the mend and turned the corner. Ate: bowl of lasagne, yoghurt, whole apple, whole banana, slice of pineapple and crackerbread with marmite all for supper! 27/100

#100happydays: Day 11-26

Here are days 11-26. My toughest yet… finding happiness whilst dad was in ICU, very sick baby and a bad brow wax!

But yet in the midst of all of it all there was still stuff to be happy about.

11

Puddle jumping 11/100

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Watching him grow. Such a privilege 12/100

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I just LOVE my new maid. She’s a Godsend! That Tupperware cupboard is my A type’s dream!! 13/100

14

My old man after his kidney stone op. Boy was I happy to see his face last night. The ever faithful, never complaining, good natured man that we all love so much. 14/100.

15

Yay I get to see my brother in May!! Thank you my lovely man for saying it’s ok and looking after the ginger xxx 15/100

16

I love surprises. Got home to a bag of goodies along with my pnp online shopping delivery packed away neatly in the cupboard. 16/100.

17

The ginger with his Gunnie! How he loves her! 17/100

18

The beach after a rough day. Will smooth away any stress. Love coastal living 18/100

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Makes you wanna crawl in right next to them! 19/100.

19

Temperature finally broken! Hopefully on the mend 20/100

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Love how we can all of a sudden pack light and don’t need two bags full of nappies, bottles and wet wipes!! 21/100

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Road trip food. Say no more. 22/100

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I’m still in awe that 50 people would want to read what I have to say. I’m very humbled and couldn’t help but smile 23/100

24

Music and theatre. It feeds my soul. I daydreamed of being back on stage. So tired but so happy 24/100

25

Valentines day…. A couple days late, but hey every day should be valentines day!! Especially when there are Lindt chocolate balls for breakfast involved 😉 25/100.

26

Tired happy feet. So good to be back on the road today 26/100