I haven’t had any baby blues. I’ve been lucky I guess. I have however been plagued by many tears at having to go back to work. With the ginger I managed to stave off the tears till only the week before but this time I have been in tears already.
The thought fills me with complete dread and I so wish I had the alternative to be able to work half day.
Knowing I have to go back to work with Kiki only 3.5mths old prompted a serious look at whether she’ll go to crèche like her brother or stay at home with a nanny. This however resulted in some serious torment and having to undo all my thinking as I had made my peace with crèche when we had the ginger and I had to undo this….our circumstances have however changed and I do think this is the best choice for us now.
But my heart hurts so much. It hurts everytime Iook at this face and when my little boy grabs onto me and tells me he missed me.
Being on maternity leave has given me the opportunity to watch Daniel in his first swimming lessons and pick him up a little earlier from school and my heart broke when he asked me to come and watch him next week at his swimming lesson as if it’ll always be this way. It also broke me on Friday. Daniel had had a late night and was ailing with a cold in the morning so I told the teacher I would fetch him at straight after school and he wouldn’t go to aftercare. So when I fetched him his face lit up and he said: you taking me home? I don’t have to go to aftercare? Oh mommy thank you, I missed you so much!!
In 7 weeks my babies will be someone else’s ‘problem’ and that hurts and sucks in SO many ways. And I wish it was different and I so wish right now i’d won the lotto so things could be different. So please excuse me while I have a little meltdown!!!