I don’t seem to write nor do I want to write because I didn’t want this space to be a negative one…. And it’s become that!!
And let’s face it no one wants to read about other peoples kak!
It just never seems to stop though and I had visions of this year, the year of our build, the year of us having our second baby being SOOOO different!
My base level of stress is so high and I’m so fearful of preterm labour, and Rich and I are like two passing ships in the night…. I miss him. . Damn I miss my old life!
So it’s been two really stressful weeks at the office. Ballito is a small village and so best I don’t say too much….. But yah I really have questioned at times what I’m doing there willing the weeks by so I can be on maternity leave. I eventually made a tough decision on a role I was offered putting myself and family first but it came with major anxiety at the repercussions raising those stress levels which is not good. Hopefully alls well and ends well and things will look up. Soon!
Dad ended up in Hospital on Friday night making me realise just how fragile he is. I thought I was ready to let him go but I’m not and I don’t want him to go. Selfishly I’d rather still have him around. I realise that every time I still get to wrap my arms around him… He has the ability to make me feel everything will be ok even without saying a word.
The build continues to take its toll as we are totally out of control and don’t know who to trust …the neighbour continues to pull stunts and again I don’t have my dad’s legal backing to make our rights heard. So it’s hard. On a positive note though we should throw our foundations and slab in the next week or two and hopefully all before the big rains come.
Baby continues to grow and I now feel the Ablet a lot more. It’s reassuring and also such a blessing. There is nothing greater or more amazing in this world than feeling a baby move in your belly.
I’m finding it hard accept my best friends rejection (for the second time round) of this pregnancy. She had just begun her infertility journey when I was pregnant with the ginger and as a result made the first 18weeks of that pregnancy really hard. Although she vowed she would be ok this time round her silence proves otherwise. I just find it hard that she’s ok throwing away 10yrs of friendship after I stood by her ivf after ivf. But then I’ve conceived two kids pretty easily and she can’t have a second so I guess who am I to judge… Just hard and I’m battling to put her into the reason season lifetime box. Never thought she’d be a season in my life.
The ginger has really grown up and I can’t wait for rich’s folk to see him this coming week. He is such a delight…. You wouldn’t say so if you knew that I’d written this entire post whilst walking around the complex while he throws a complete fit in the bath!!
But he’s still my special and I love him. Most of the time 🙂
So yah…. Lots going on…. As dory says: just keep swimming. I do sometimes wish for a little bit of a reprieve… Not sure it’s coming this year tho if the first 8 months have been anything to go by!!