Stop the world!

Warning this post is not pretty….. Fortunately for me it’s my space

It’s been another shit day! I wanna scream from the top of my lungs ‘stop the world I wanna hop off’

I’m so sick of hearing that God only gives you what you can handle but ffs enough already! I don’t want to handle anymore. I wanna sit in a corner and ball my eyes out and shout and scream at God because I’m angry, I’m so fucking angry

My dad saw the neurologist today and he left with a morphine patch script and script for strong sleeping tablets so that my mom can try get a full night sleep. We were told to make him comfortable to cut down the speech therapy to twice a week and up the physio to keep him pain free.

After his whole life slaving for a firm whose partners of 25 yrs bad mouthing him every chance they get, his life had culminated in sitting in a wheelchair unable to walk or talk. Wtf!! You tell me how that is fair?? He’s a good man, how is he supposed to deserve this and how are we supposed to get some meaning out of the fact that he will never walk or talk again but instead will for want of a better word live like a vegetable for 1……5…..maybe 10years!

And what kind of person does it make me that I wish he would just have another stroke and go…..but that all I now ask is to selfishly let him hold my newborn baby in December before he does……

And then there’s the build…… Stupid I know building a house while pregnant, so I suppose I deserve this part. But today we get a quote for piling for R75 0000, bearing in mind that when we got the report from the engineer there was no pilling and we all did happy dances because we were on virgin ground!!

They say always account for a 20% overspend on cost! we’ll my dear friends we’ve frikking blown that!! LONG time ago! So some serious questions going to the engineer tomorrow as to how their initial drawings estimated no piling and a tiny retaining wall and we’ve ended up with R94k in retaining walls and R75k in piling? Someone clearly hasn’t done their job. BUT it doesn’t help the fact that we have house plans, a plot and a build overspent by R170k and we haven’t started foundations! So what to do!

So like I said just stop that world for a second I want out!


2 comments on “Stop the world!

  1. jenty says:

    😦 my word, how stressful!
    Completely understand re costs and building, our renovations are driving me batty, and that’s only a few rooms and floors.
    Really praying your dad walks and talks one day

  2. […] is completely damaged making recovery impossible and coupled with regression in his speech we made the decision to stop all therapy and to keep dad […]

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